December 15, 2011
Somtimes I think I’m finally okay, only to be proven wrong.
Sometimes I feel fine, but life doesn’t seem to want me be happy.
Sometimes I feel like nothing I do is ever enough. Or will ever be enough.
Sometimes I wonder if my obsession with fiction is just a way to numb myself and escape reality, and an excuse to be weak and cry.
Past couple of weeks have actually been quite light and fine. Almost felt like my old self again. Only thing I got emotional about was my books and fics but they are so enjoyable and reading is a pleasurable activity, so I’m not complaining. Usually if a story moves me to tears, it just mean that it’s so good. No biggie, no real problem exists.
Worries I’ve had not completely disappearing but definitely losing significance. Not worth putting too much thought into it, nothing urgent or dire. Everyone’s been pretty okay and no one’s been hostile without reason. Not being too stressed out over school or anything. Seems like everything’s just falling into control again.
Or so I thought. Was just attempting to practice bloody French for tomorrow’s test after replying to school emails and I just burst into tears halfway for no reason. You tell me what’s wrong. Urgh you know something? I can’t stand this me.
Such a personal, brief, on-the-spur update about what I’m feeling has been so rare, I don’t know what I have been using my blog for and how I ever managed.
Sometimes I just wanna fade away, disappear, not exist.