twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

Running ragged

Ask around, do a search online and everywhere will tell you why consistency is important. It also sounds easy in theory but is pretty darn difficult to apply. I’ve always prided myself on being a consistent person but today I really felt just how hard it is.

It’s not just about habits and goals or showing up for yourself or maintaining the same energy, but also the things like protecting your boundaries, not yoyo-ing and sticking it out even when it’s uncomfortable, for your own happiness in the long run, instead of choosing instant gratification. Today I feel tested.

I am more affected by the intangible things than I care to admit but even the tangible things like work and not skipping my pilates class was tough today. It was so tempting to go home before sunset while the rain had abated and eat McDonald’s…

I did turn up in the end since the rain had stopped temporarily and it’s just at the HDB block next to office (outdoors but under a sheltered pavillion) but I got my legs so dirty while walking there and the ground was still wet but I lay my mat down anyway 😩😩😩 Super ick!!!

I had to wipe my mat and legs and everything after returning to office but worst was how the rain had turned into a storm by the time I wanted to leave, so everything inside my bag got soaked even though I had an umbrella. So tired dirty smelly by the time I got home, ewww. Nothing a hot shower can’t solve but ya, felt like it would have been easier to just skip class! And no I did not get to eat my McDonald’s 😠

Lol ok just a silly rant.

I’ve been feeling gloomy and depleted allllll day. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s just one of those days. Unloaded a bit on Farah and I feel validated, in the sense that her reactions and responses make me feel that I am not overthinking things or making something out of nothing?

I don’t know why I still second-guess myself when time and time again my intuition turns out to be right and deep down I know it’s not nothing. Maybe because I’m used to minimising my own feelings so that other people don’t have to deal with them (something I am trying to work on).

She’s really one of those who just gets it, probably because we are similar types who feel everything so deeply. Today I was telling her how with some people (e.g. me and her) you just click and are on the same frequency, but with others I feel nothing at all and it’s not that there’s nothing to talk about, but I just don’t feel like opening up to them at all 😂

Anyway before she left office, she told me, ‘I’m proud of you!’ and it just meant so much and was exactly what I needed today 😭😭😭

Just remember. You run yourself ragged for other people, Adelaide. You deserve someone who’s going to show up for you, too. — Adelaide, Genevieve Wheeler

Quote from one of my favourite books this year.

Yes I do 🥹

October highlights

I started writing this at the start of November and now November is nearly over 🙃

October was amazing! So much good food and fun assignments and joyful celebration and wonderful company. I am filled with so much love and gratitude 💞

birthday 2023

♡ 3 movie screenings: I feel like I’m the only one who didn’t like Killers Of The Flower Moon. But I loved that it was a morning screening exclusively for reviewers cos the theatre was almost e mpty, plus I brought McDonald’s and my bolster in 😂

♡ 2 musicals (& Juliet and Mamma Mia)
♡ 1 tasting (not impressed) + celeb interview (he was fine)
♡ Attended a 2-day copyediting workshop
♡ No hikes but I joined 3 walks
♡ Finally made it to book club!
(monthly thing but the last few always clashed with my trips etc)
♡ Took in a hamster lololol

Of course the main highlight would be turning a year older. Ok I acted thick-skinned and all asking people out but it was just an excuse to catch up with those I treasure and it warms my heart that everyone showed up 😍 As they always have.

Anyway the reason why I took so long to get this post out is because I wanted to tell grandmother stories but also don’t want to say too much. I heard from both JH and J for my birthday and I heard from them again this month lol??

One was more impersonal, and I’m pretty sure the other wants me back, both very unexpected because I’m not connected with either on social media (and knowing them, I’m *highly* sure they are not cyberstalking me so I don’t know what prompted the contact), Total silence back from me aka what I do best because idgaf and I’m too busy to gaf.

I don’t forget the people who were there whenever I was at my lowest points (it’s no coincidence that they are the same ones I spent my birthday season with), just like I don’t ever forget who caused me pain or left when I needed them.

Here’s a tip: Maybe actually treat me better or value me when I’m still around. Because once I’m gone, I’m gone. Ok byeeee!