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Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

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Tag: The Vampire Diaries

Pain

Finally caught up with Vampire Diaries but now that I’m slightly interested in the plot again (things have been so shitty… who cares about travellers and the Gemini coven and overhyped villains?? They are at vampire-witch hybrids now LOL looks like they have really run out of ideas), I have no episodes left.

The show is like a never-ending funeral. Everyone is pretty much an orphan now. There’s so much pain and grief and tears. Maybe that’s what makes me so emotionally attached to it.

P/S: All gifs used in this post are from TVD.

 caroline crying 6x15 gif

 caroline forbes crying 6x15 gif

“I feel like I’ve been crying since the day that my parents died. My life it’s – it’s like a never ending funeral. We keep burying people, Stefan. You want to know what’s heightened? This grief, I can’t stop feeling everyone’s grief. All the hurt, I feel like it’s trying to explode out of me.” – Elena Gilbert, 4×02

elena crying 4x15 gif

Makes me feel better about my life and forget my own pain. I don’t know what to say.

I didn’t think things would be so hard or I would feel this shitty all the time. Most people put up with suffering because they are working towards a goal that will make all the hardship worth it. They are guaranteed a happy ending. But there’s nothing at the end for me. Except maybe more pain.

But yet I insist on holding on… because I think the alternative hurts even more. A part of me thinks I deserve to feel this way because I chose it. And it’s not like I regret anything because there are good times too, however scarce. They are so good that I feel like they are worth putting up with anything for.

elena crying 4x02 gif

Plus I’m not a quitter. I’m the kind who forces myself to finish a book or movie no matter how bad it is or how much I hate it. I hate the feeling of leaving things undone or not knowing how they end. Just look at TVD – it’s rubbish but I keep coming back anyway.

I’m stubborn and don’t give up. Sometimes it does me more harm than good.

elena crying 1x07 gif

I don’t like who I’ve become. Some days I feel like I’m barely functional at all.

On Wednesday, I went home, showered, ate, then decided that I couldn’t deal with life any longer and went straight to bed at 8pm-ish. Other than waking up briefly twice to check the time, I was out cold for 12 hours. I didn’t want to care or think about anything so for once, I decided not to. It was nice.

The same thing happened on Friday, from 2am to 3pm. Being awake is too hard because I always think too much and trust me, it’s really tiring and emotionally draining.

 elena gilbert 4x04 gif

I miss my motivated, productive and happy self. When I felt like everything was going so perfectly. Went to sleep feeling thankful and blissful every night because there was truly nothing to be unhappy about.

Now even when good things happen, I feel like my happiness is fleeting. Then I’ll go back to feeling like crap. Wow I’m such a ray of sunshine to be around these days.

stefan salvatore 5x08 gif

Stefan said it all… Every time I think that everything will be okay, that I can deal with it, that I will be fine and perhaps it’s all my imagination, I realise that isn’t the case at all and go right back to square one.

Actually, I’m so used to my ‘on drugs’ cycle that I’m not even fussed anymore. I can even predict when I will be feeling what or how many days my random bursts of happiness will last before I fall apart again.

 caroline cry gif 6x15

Lots of crazy-pants in the show now… Villains trying to outdo one another in the psycho department and main characters flipping the humanity switch even though we have been there, done that in Season 4. Zzzz wish I had a switch that turned off my feelings too.


What’s meant to be yours will be yours

Most amazing thing happened yesterday at like 2am. Definitely lifted my spirits (been feeling so vexed and stressed recently) and I was thinking, finally some positivity and it’s gonna be a good day (it was).

pink skeleton keychain

I bought this keychain in Bangkok last November. Thought I lost it during my Malacca/KL trip with Chris in December. Searched his car and retraced my steps at the mall but I couldn’t find it. I got so moody because I really liked it. Its colours match my blog haha.

Was in Brendan’s car last night and we were on the way to have supper when I suddenly saw it lying on the dashboard. It was just… there. Funny thing is I’ve been in his car several times from December to now but never saw it before. And I can’t remember when I dropped it either.

Crazy accurate quote from Harry Potter:

luna lovegood quote gif

Anyway I was so thrilled to see it again. Made me realise that if something is meant to be yours, it will return and be yours. If it doesn’t, maybe there’s a reason behind it and perhaps there’s something better in store for you.

Like actually, I missed out on a work trip to Yogyakarta sometime in Sep/Oct (ironically I was in Batam when the offer came about) and my colleague went instead. Me being me, I was kinda jealous for awhile and hating myself.

But then New Zealand happened and it was SO incredible. Probably wouldn’t have gotten to go if I’d had already gone for Yogyakarta. Imagine flying Business Class + having a few courses for every meal + riding a helicopter all for free. I might never stop feeling so grateful for being given this chance T_T

fall into place tumblr quote

Recently, I keep getting myself into a state by being insecure and over-thinking things all the time. Or stressing about work and feeling like I’m buried neck-deep. Then I’ll realise it was all for nothing and I shouldn’t even have anything to worry about. It’s a vicious cycle that just keeps going on.

Need to remember that nothing is so life-threatening that I won’t make it. That I’ll pull through and be fine no matter how hard things are. Like the Delena quote: “We’ll survive this. We always survive.”

we'll survive this we always survive

HAHAHA I can really reference TVD in any situation. Think I’m a walking encyclopedia for this show… Wish I was as good or knowledgeable when it comes to writing articles.