twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

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Fascinating free fall feeling

September 24, 2018 / 12:30AM

Can’t believe how time flies??? I didn’t realise the last time I updated was over a month ago but I’ve been so lazy and tired and busy. I think the hours I worked this weekend amounted to one regular weekday and it’s like 7 working days in a row 😞

Anyway I fell off my bed at the start of September and I still remember the feeling till now. It’s a storage bed that’s higher than average so the fall hurt quite a bit. I fell on my left side but look at the bruises I found when I was fully conscious in the morning:

Fall down bed bruise

Fall down bed injured

The reason why I’m writing about this seemingly mundane incident is mostly for myself because I wanna remember it. But honestly I felt quite fascinated by how I felt during the fall even though I was half asleep.

I remember dreaming about something (though I can’t recall what it was) and then I turned towards the left, thinking there was a lot of bed space (clearly there wasn’t). Next thing I knew, I was falling and technically I know it was only seconds before I landed, but it felt much longer and a lot went through my mind during the descent.

I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking but I did tweet about it after landing (and yeah it happened at 6ish in the morning):

As the title suggests, it was a very fascinating free fall feeling… like you are in the air and you know you are falling but you simply enjoy this sick sensation and while you might have flailed your limbs, you don’t open your eyes until you land painfully.

I know I got up and went back to bed and had another random dream. I didn’t notice the bruises on my left pinky finger and the left side of both my knees until much later. Wish I’d recorded down the two dreams too but oh well.

Anyway you can say I’m psychoanalysing myself or over-thinking or just knowing myself but this weirdass sensation I’m so fascinated with is like the same kind of feeling I get from some of my most toxic/no-no relationships wtf. Some of you might know that I am very attracted to one particular sort of relationship… I call it an affliction because I know I should stay away and run for the hills but at the same time I can’t help being drawn.

It’s like you know it will crash and burn and end in flames but you go ahead anyway because the thrill of the journey is unparalleled to anything else you’ve ever experienced. Yes you’re only gonna land with a painful thud, there’s no other ending to this, but the descent makes you feel so… wow. I don’t know even how to describe it. And then when you finally snap out of it, that’s when the pain comes and you lick your wounds.

Ugh I don’t wanna say too much here but we’ll see.


Living my best life

July 8, 2018 / 7:07PM

Super lazy to update because I’m tired from work and handling content even when I’m not in the office. Been working alone quite a bit too (my intern is not much help) but at least I get to leave early ? Give me busy but short days over long and boring ones any day!

The other day I woke up and it wasn’t the first thing I thought about. Instead, I thought about breaking news (was putting up an article at close to midnight before I went to bed) and… food. I feel so hungry all the time now.

I told CK that I can’t do my starving shit anymore and I’m back to eating two full meals a day, and sometimes even three hahaha. And that I really should be at the gym (this is much easier to commit to when you have nobody to eat with) but at the same time I wanna have long lunches with my friends…

Kevin came to visit last Friday so the three of us had a very longass 2-hour lunch. And it was buy 3 set lunches get 1 free so we were very ambitious.

Tims Nepalese Restaurant

My treat! ?

The set lunches came with bread, soup, drinks and cake for dessert LOL which we couldn’t finish but it was very nice, chatting over food and not being in a rush to go back.

Tims Restaurant & Cafe

I have a profound appreciation for CK and Farah because I see them on an almost daily basis so they are one I talk rubbish to most hahahaha. Like sometimes I know I am talking in cryptic circles and analogies but they don’t question it and just listen and say the right things back which is all I need. Thanks, guys ?

Anyway I am really fine and if anything, I feel like I’m the best version of myself currently… maybe I’m not so terrible at this whole adulting thing after all.

Old Me New Me
Abuses alcohol when sad Hasn’t had a drink in ages, goes to the gym instead (endorphins!)
Sleeps 5 hours on average, sometimes less Tries to switch off lights by midnight and sleep by 1am for 7 hours of sleep
Cannot be bothered with self-care Wears sunscreen and has proper routines now (I wake up feeling so glowy sometimes)
Dresses like a hobo to work sometimes because I’m so tired Makes an effort even when I’m not going out after work as it makes me feel good
Keeps a few ‘toys’ on hand for when I’m bored even though I couldn’t care less Ditched all my ‘toys’ because they actually bore me and I don’t need them
Thinks ‘I’ll just find a replacement’ whenever someone makes me feel dejected Realises I never needed anyone because I fulfil myself
Never feels enough Knows I’m enough

 

I also bought a ton of new books yesterday which makes me super happy. Seriously I love books because they are always so comforting and relatable. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go to work so that I can just spend the afternoon reading books… hehe.

Book haul

“It is not the ecstasy that I had imagined, it was not the “high” that I pictured. Instead, it is something much better. It is the calm. The quiet. The serenity. It is the pause, the break, the comma to the never-ending sad story my brain was writing for a very long time. It is actually feeling other emotions more. Gratitude. Appreciation. Peace. Forgiveness. Humility. Love.” (x)