twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

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Equilibrium

Think Positive

After the stupid poast of complaints previously, this one shall be a complete opposite 😀
Balance is always good. And I’m back to my normal self. As normal as I can be anyway.

Actually come to think of it, life’s been kind to me. Very kind in fact.
Like a lot of things turned out to be a blessing in disguise, and I am so grateful for all how everything just works itself out in the end. Like don’t you just love it when everything falls into place perfectly? I do.

Take the ICAs for instance.

Entrepreneurship – my group assigned roles by drawing lots.  Of all things, I got CEO and at first I was like wtf noooo. Because I am totally not leader material, especially not in business.

Then I realised that all isn’t that bad. At least I didn’t get Finance which I feel is the hardest role, especially when you have to wait for everyone else in the group to pass you their info. Hariz volunteered for Finance ‘cos he likes Accounting etc and I’m glad for that too. Rather than have the role go to someone who hates Finance, it’s nice to let someone who actually wants to do it and knows what he’s doing, to do it right?

Plus he was awesome because he didn’t bug me for info at all. I just passed him a whole chunk of links I used and he said okay, he will go check them out and “explore” himself. Most people would probably complain about how I’m slow and shit in getting things done.

And this time I started my work quite early okayyy.
Trying to avoid rushing last minute. A little bit of work and a little bit of play :3
Gathered all the info I needed on Tuesday, properly typed out 900+ words on Wednesday, tied up loose ends and printed everything out on Thursday. I feel so accomplished! 🙂

Same goes for Multicam.
We drew lots to assign roles. Actually not quite because I went to the toilet when they drew lots and all that’s left was the cameraman. I was like FFFFFFF because that was the role I hated most! Standing up to work with equipment!

Okay not gonna deny that I’m a lazy ass and one of the reasons I’m not fond of Multicam is because we have to go all the way to the studio (where the entrance smells like hamster pee) and be on our feet, fiddling with strange equipment… not a couch potato’s cup of tea 🙁

Well anyway turns out the cameraman’s role is the least stressful of all :O
Rehearsal went ok-ish today even though we were very behind time XD Ms Soo said she could tell me were quite prepared because we have all the pictures we needed.

In my head I was, “Of course lah! Who else went out under the hot sun on a Public Holiday to take pictures?!” Mmmm planning is halfway to success XD

Well so I spent nearly all of the time in school today with my head buried in a book :3
The thing about me is that once I start a book, I CANNOT and DO NOT WANT to stop until I’m finished. Anw even when I reached home, first thing I did was to lie down on the bed to finish the book, didn’t even change clothes teehee.

Might talk more about the book (which is awesomeee) another time. The antagonist was sooo scary that I was quite freaked too. I think nowadays I must have either one of these items with me when I’m in school – headphones/storybook/laptop. Otherwise don’t think I can survive {;_;}

Quite contradicting. Wanna make more of an effort in school but want to tune out everyone including the lecturers. Don’t really aim for exceptionally brilliant grades, more like wanna just get everything over and done with.

Anyway am just glad to be able to see things from another perspective. Like instead of focusing on the bad things, why not think about the good parts? Not just school as mentioned above but everything.

Like how I’ve been wanting to buy the half-price frappe from Starbucks the entire week but the queue is so horrendous that I didn’t even bother. Hate waiting. Monday was quite empty but I didn’t have the mood for coffee {;_;}

Ohwell I might not be rich but I suppose I can still afford a Starbucks frappe at its normal price.
Good thing is I’ve had not had Starbucks the entire week! Yay save $$$ and also less calorie intake! HAHAHA.

Mmmm getting very long-winded. Damn lazy to edit photos and they mostly look horrible. Maybe next time. Off to read another book. Been making a point of going to the library regularly again just like I used to 😀 books are good. People should read more. Instead of acting like a high and mighty know-it-all *puke*

Especially the people on my Twitter timeline (entire new paragraph so no link to the puke part, tyvm). Sorry but more than half of you have atrocious grammar that I mentally correct by nature all the time. Not saying that my grammar is always perfect but… you get what I mean.

Have a naise weekend 8)


Angst, angst, angst and more angsty rants

Ugh no idea what’s up with me these days!!! Can’t even explain in words… bleurgh. I don’t think it’s just me though. Everyone on Twitter seems the same with all their rageee tweets. I swear it’s not even PMS…

This is what I feel like in school everyday… The work feels tougher even though the timetable is a lot better compared to less semester :'( Wtheck I don’t even feel like getting started on any work zzz. It’s like I feel that nothing is important anymore. I keep telling myself to make more of an effort but my own words are falling on dead ears.

I guess it’s because the what-am-I-doing-with-my-life notion gets more and more intense.
While half-consciously listening in class, the sort-of realisation dawned on me that most of these things
1)
do not interest me 2) they are not related to my dream career at all.

I mean this stupid diploma is more of business management than media… And I do not want to go into business! I want to write! And ideally it would be writing fiction books. Novels. Not articles in newspapers or whatever news. I am into creative writing, not journalism!!!!!!!!1111 But the little media element we study in this course are all about non-fiction writing!!!!!

How to not be angsty after having this sudden lightbulb going off in this stupid head of mine? After like 1 year in this diploma??? Yep took me long enough to realise it… better late than never lol?

Dropping out of school halfway is not my thing and not an option either though. This rubbish + boring + measly diploma shall serve as a backup. I say this like I have other plans but truth is I have none. I have no idea what the future has in store and neither do I want to think about it, because it scares the shit out of me. Yep, accomplishing nothing does.

Wow and nearly all my friends have plans. Unlike me.
Seriously envy them especially those who can go overseas.
Yet some of them, the way they talk, it’s like they are so unappreciative of the fact that they can even go overseas at all. It just pisses me off so much that I wish I could just ask them to STFU.

Really… what am I doing with my life.
I find myself caring less and less about stuff.
I don’t like saying, “fml” but seriously fml.

Why oh why is my family not loaded?
Then I don’t have to worry about anything…

Arghhhh fed up. A lot more to rant about but I shan’t go into those.
Super no mood for anything. Though Ms Ang’s afternoon class today was quite interesting… discussing sensitive/controversial topics of any kind always interest me. Wish we could do more of those than stupid management theories etc -_-

Had my headphones on half the time I was in school today to shut out the world. Something that I don’t usually do, if you know me well enough. I hardly listen to music outside of my house. Not even while travelling on public transport – I just don’t have the habit.

Talking and laughing loudly should really be banned in crowded lifts. Empty vessels make the most noise, heard before?! Urgh irritating shit.

Tomorrow is a public holiday but I have group work all the way at Jurong.
HOW TO BE NOT ANGSTY YOU TELL ME?
Just counting my blessings that luckily Jurong is still on the red line.

I know I should be more grateful about what I already have, and trust me I usually am and I always try to look on the good side of things, but I just can’t help being resentful at life of late. Because people just have to keep flaunting in my faces what they have and what I don’t have, whether intentionally or not. Not only that, they also complain way more than I do and I REALLY hate unappreciative people.

I complain a lot, I know.
But it’s usually about minor stuff that we ALL complain about.
I don’t usually blog these kind of long rants about Life itself, do I?

They didn’t even work hard to achieve anything. They just have it, you know?
While there are many things in life which we have to work hard for, there are also things that people are just born with. Things like good looks and a good background and a reasonably well-off family.
Get what I am trying to say?

Life isn’t fair, that we all know.

Like I say, with money, there are a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of things that you don’t have to fret about.
So yes I admit that I am bitter and jealous and shit. Much as I struggle with these inner demons all the time and force myself stop brood over crap like these, I just can’t overcome it. I mean even before all these, I’ve had issues… I know myself.

Anyway, good for you if you understand what I’m saying and even better if you can relate.
Quite satisfied that I actually managed to put all these thoughts into words. Usually I think and think about it in my mind but never get round to blogging them properly. Hope all these troubles can leave me ~

K tired already bai.