Notes to self

– Time is the ultimate truth-teller.

– It is so hard to leave — until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.

– How they treat you is how they feel about you.

– But also how people treat you is a reflection of themselves, not you.

– This too shall pass.

Honestly I did wonder if maybe I just suck or am weak/lousy, and that’s why I’m having trouble adjusting. But it’s not an adjustment issue and I should stop talking down to myself. I know I am competent and have always delivered – just ask anyone or take a look at my consistently strong grading every year.

But you can only try and fight for something so much before you feel utterly defeated and see no point in continuing to put in effort. I think this applies to everything in life, whether work or relationships. For me, what comes next is silence and detachment and finally goodbye.

Trying very hard to not care, bare minimum, let it wash all over me, be my happy self. I’ll admit it’s difficult though, especially since I’m emotional and hence instinctively reactive, and the all-or-nothing, no half-assery kind.

But when you do not feel valued, you do not feel heard, the only thing to do is to leave.

And I’m talking about more than just one thing but it’s kinda messed up how intertwined they are.