Down, down, down

April 30, 2018 / 1:07AM

I wonder who still reads what I write here? There’s a quote from Dorian Gray that says “I am too fond of reading books to care to write them” and it’s how I feel these days. Which is sad… because I’ve always dreamt of being an author.

Not gonna lie… I feel down today and I feel pathetic for being down. I knew this was going to happen. I always do. I tell myself that I know better and that I don’t care and that I don’t feel anything… until I inevitably end up disappointed again.

I know I have issues and my ways of dealing with them aren’t exactly healthy. And I am aware that only I can fix them but I keep looking for quick fixes like numbing myself with alcohol or using other people to fill a void that comes from within.

I just wish there was someone who got it, who got me. Who can see past everything and understand and still care about me, like me for me. Not because of how I look or because they want something or because they expect something in return for their niceness.