Voices in my head
February 9, 2011
Why is it so hard to put my thoughts into words nowadays, on my own blog?
Yet on Tumblr, I spill like an overflowing tap. Whatever that means.
Well title-wise… today I was walking to class and I heard a voice in my head telling me that I’d better walk faster because my friends are talking bad about me -_- So ridiculous. Voice, that was a really weak and futile attempt. I know that my friends will never do that to me, so I wasn’t really bothered.
When I reached class, only Dian was there -_- We promised and assured each other before that we won’t do this kind of stupid thing to each other long ago, after a particular incident involving other classmates. So nice try, Voice!!
Fuckkkk today I wasted 3 hours in school. Why oh why did I even go for the optional Finance lecture and Chrispy consultation and waste my bloody time?! Ccb I had other stuff to do!!! Like cleaning my guinea pigs’ cage.
Fuck. Now tomorrow school end at 11am and I have a chore to do on my to-do list when I come home! See lah!!! Now I can’t go shopping after school because I will have something weighing on my mind and I don’t like!! I like to get things over and done with… Ugh.
I am gonna swear a lot nowadays because I feel like utter crap emotionally. I used to try swearing in moderation because I know some of you don’t like vulgarities but now I am past the caring stage! Also I wanted to swear less on Twitter but now my theory is to swear in moderation thanks to Cursebird.com where I’m trying to level up LOL
Everytime I think my period of feeling depressed is over, it comes back again. It never ever left, did it? All it does is fade and magnify, fade and magnify, but it is still there and probably always will. Waiting for be triggered by something. And this week, something different from 2 weeks ago is bugging me! Well, fuck this shit!
Keep eating chocolates at night nowadays to make myself feel better. Surprisingly it works even though I’m not particularly fond of chocolate AT ALL. Just had 2 bars of Kinder Bueno. Yucks manszx so sweet bleurghh. But it works -_-
I like the small round chocolates with raisins inside though… Usually I nom the chocolate just to get to the raisin. If they sell almonds/hazelnuts ones separately, why don’t they have just the ones with raisins?! Or maybe got but I never notice?
Anyway chocolate works and today we were talking about just this. I mentioned how I have been stuffing myself with chocolate every night and the reply I got was, “You sad meh?”
… Lol okay. To be honest I was kinda disappointed because I have been ranting so much on Tumblr these few days, especially yesterday, and yet it went unnoticed. Just shows that not everyone following me on Tumblr actually read the things I write. And how some non-Tumblrs actually read my crap there.
But then I didn’t say anything either because I didn’t know what to say. And it hit me hard how true this quote is –
“Pretending you are fine is easier than explaining why you are not.”
I’m not even really bothered by school anymore.
Wanna go into detail so badly but I think I’ll just make things worse and fuck everything up so forget it.
As for the previous poast, I’m not planning to give the password to anyone at all. I swear it’s just about one person who isn’t from/in any of the schools I’ve been to so you all probably won’t understand anyway.