twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

Tag: work

Dumb and tired

November 16, 2018 / 12:50AM

I know I say I’m tired every day but I really am.

My intern asked me a few days ago if I’m okay and I said, “Not okay also have to be okay” and this is pretty much our lives at work. Like both of us are not feeling well but we come to work anyway because otherwise there’s nobody else to do the work and we feel guilty.

She also said she always tells her friends about how I once wrote ten articles and then still went running at the gym, and they will all be like huh?!?!?! 😂 But hey I love running and I’m not gonna use work as an excuse to not exercise ok.

I don’t know how I am still alive because to be honest, I don’t think a regular person can handle my workload. And it’s crazy that sometimes we full-timers work 7 days a week with no breaks in between… in fact, I’ve calculated and I will be working 19 days in a row before my next off day and I don’t know how this is even happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the content, I love writing, I love helping people to solve their issues. But lately I’ve been thinking how so many people want me to help them with their grievances every day, but who’s gonna help with mine? And I really want to help all of them but there’s only so much I can do with limited time and resources.

I feel so under-appreciated… clearly the company doesn’t care or I wouldn’t be working alone with just one intern. People are always shocked whenever I tell them that one of Singapore’s most famous websites runs on only two people on a typical day.

My direct boss tries to make it better with free lunches and letting us leave early on slower days but I am still exhausted from doing so much every day.

Then there’s the bunch of keyboard warriors who just wanna shit on everything we write. And sometimes the people I helped don’t even appreciate it and/or want more zzzz.

Anyway I’m really burned out to the point where I feel like my work quality and quantity is dropping. Some days I wonder what I’m even writing. I am not a quitter and I always do the best I can, but I am not a robot. And eventually there comes a point where I just won’t be able to go on anymore.

I guess I just wish there was somebody who understood. But there isn’t anyone and nobody ever can because nobody has as much to do as me. They can just focus on their own stories. But not only do I have to do my own work, I also have to manage all the content and the hotline and monitor everything and check their work (who’s gonna check mine for me?) every single day I’m in the office. Oh and I’m also the only one who can do Chinese content.

So ya which is why I say I’m dumb… I should just not care and do the bare minimum and nobody can do anything about it anyway. It’s not like anyone cares about the website or me or my work. We have won awards for 4 years in a row and I did the submissions for all 4 years, but hey who cares right.

Today I wished I could rewind back to six months ago when I felt so much happier and motivated and fulfilled. At least then I had a few readers who commented regularly and sometimes left compliments (most disappeared together after some privacy policy changes I think). And I still had my closest confidante who visited the site just to read my articles and thought the world of me (who pretends I don’t exist now).

Some might think it’s stupid that I pay attention to the comments on my articles but they do mean a lot to me. I told my intern today that sometimes I feel like these readers are the only ones who appreciate what I do.

Ok I sound so whiny but I am really tired and stressed and in low spirits. There are other factors besides work but I’m too lazy to go on. Wish there was something to look forward to. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life la but I know things will be easier if I just stop caring so much. What’s the point anyway?

So so so tired.

Living my best life

July 8, 2018 / 7:07PM

Super lazy to update because I’m tired from work and handling content even when I’m not in the office. Been working alone quite a bit too (my intern is not much help) but at least I get to leave early ? Give me busy but short days over long and boring ones any day!

The other day I woke up and it wasn’t the first thing I thought about. Instead, I thought about breaking news (was putting up an article at close to midnight before I went to bed) and… food. I feel so hungry all the time now.

I told CK that I can’t do my starving shit anymore and I’m back to eating two full meals a day, and sometimes even three hahaha. And that I really should be at the gym (this is much easier to commit to when you have nobody to eat with) but at the same time I wanna have long lunches with my friends…

Kevin came to visit last Friday so the three of us had a very longass 2-hour lunch. And it was buy 3 set lunches get 1 free so we were very ambitious.

Tims Nepalese Restaurant

My treat! ?

The set lunches came with bread, soup, drinks and cake for dessert LOL which we couldn’t finish but it was very nice, chatting over food and not being in a rush to go back.

Tims Restaurant & Cafe

I have a profound appreciation for CK and Farah because I see them on an almost daily basis so they are one I talk rubbish to most hahahaha. Like sometimes I know I am talking in cryptic circles and analogies but they don’t question it and just listen and say the right things back which is all I need. Thanks, guys ?

Anyway I am really fine and if anything, I feel like I’m the best version of myself currently… maybe I’m not so terrible at this whole adulting thing after all.

Old Me New Me
Abuses alcohol when sad Hasn’t had a drink in ages, goes to the gym instead (endorphins!)
Sleeps 5 hours on average, sometimes less Tries to switch off lights by midnight and sleep by 1am for 7 hours of sleep
Cannot be bothered with self-care Wears sunscreen and has proper routines now (I wake up feeling so glowy sometimes)
Dresses like a hobo to work sometimes because I’m so tired Makes an effort even when I’m not going out after work as it makes me feel good
Keeps a few ‘toys’ on hand for when I’m bored even though I couldn’t care less Ditched all my ‘toys’ because they actually bore me and I don’t need them
Thinks ‘I’ll just find a replacement’ whenever someone makes me feel dejected Realises I never needed anyone because I fulfil myself
Never feels enough Knows I’m enough


I also bought a ton of new books yesterday which makes me super happy. Seriously I love books because they are always so comforting and relatable. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go to work so that I can just spend the afternoon reading books… hehe.

Book haul

“It is not the ecstasy that I had imagined, it was not the “high” that I pictured. Instead, it is something much better. It is the calm. The quiet. The serenity. It is the pause, the break, the comma to the never-ending sad story my brain was writing for a very long time. It is actually feeling other emotions more. Gratitude. Appreciation. Peace. Forgiveness. Humility. Love.” (x)