twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

Tag: work

Dumb and tired

November 16, 2018 / 12:50AM

I know I say I’m tired every day but I really am.

My intern asked me a few days ago if I’m okay and I said, “Not okay also have to be okay” and this is pretty much our lives at work. Like both of us are not feeling well but we come to work anyway because otherwise there’s nobody else to do the work and we feel guilty.

She also said she always tells her friends about how I once wrote ten articles and then still went running at the gym, and they will all be like huh?!?!?! 😂 But hey I love running and I’m not gonna use work as an excuse to not exercise ok.

I don’t know how I am still alive because to be honest, I don’t think a regular person can handle my workload. And it’s crazy that sometimes we full-timers work 7 days a week with no breaks in between… in fact, I’ve calculated and I will be working 19 days in a row before my next off day and I don’t know how this is even happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the content, I love writing, I love helping people to solve their issues. But lately I’ve been thinking how so many people want me to help them with their grievances every day, but who’s gonna help with mine? And I really want to help all of them but there’s only so much I can do with limited time and resources.

I feel so under-appreciated… clearly the company doesn’t care or I wouldn’t be working alone with just one intern. People are always shocked whenever I tell them that one of Singapore’s most famous websites runs on only two people on a typical day.

My direct boss tries to make it better with free lunches and letting us leave early on slower days but I am still exhausted from doing so much every day.

Then there’s the bunch of keyboard warriors who just wanna shit on everything we write. And sometimes the people I helped don’t even appreciate it and/or want more zzzz.

Anyway I’m really burned out to the point where I feel like my work quality and quantity is dropping. Some days I wonder what I’m even writing. I am not a quitter and I always do the best I can, but I am not a robot. And eventually there comes a point where I just won’t be able to go on anymore.

I guess I just wish there was somebody who understood. But there isn’t anyone and nobody ever can because nobody has as much to do as me. They can just focus on their own stories. But not only do I have to do my own work, I also have to manage all the content and the hotline and monitor everything and check their work (who’s gonna check mine for me?) every single day I’m in the office. Oh and I’m also the only one who can do Chinese content.

So ya which is why I say I’m dumb… I should just not care and do the bare minimum and nobody can do anything about it anyway. It’s not like anyone cares about the website or me or my work. We have won awards for 4 years in a row and I did the submissions for all 4 years, but hey who cares right.

Today I wished I could rewind back to six months ago when I felt so much happier and motivated and fulfilled. At least then I had a few readers who commented regularly and sometimes left compliments (most disappeared together after some privacy policy changes I think). And I still had my closest confidante who visited the site just to read my articles and thought the world of me (who pretends I don’t exist now).

Some might think it’s stupid that I pay attention to the comments on my articles but they do mean a lot to me. I told my intern today that sometimes I feel like these readers are the only ones who appreciate what I do.

Ok I sound so whiny but I am really tired and stressed and in low spirits. There are other factors besides work but I’m too lazy to go on. Wish there was something to look forward to. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life la but I know things will be easier if I just stop caring so much. What’s the point anyway?

So so so tired.

‘Tis a day to be jolly

August 18, 2018 / 1:30AM

I meant to update because quite a few interesting things happened but I’m just so lazy!!! My list of to-read books is forever growing, plus I started journaling again (putting all the cute notebooks I’m hoarding to good use). It’s something I used to do in class all the time during my triple science and double math lessons cos I hate them all.

Most days are good days but today feels like a wonderful day!! 🌞

The night before, I tucked myself into bed at 9pm, watched 2 episodes of Meteor Garden 2018 and slept at 10.30pm. The night owl in me is very proud of myself. I usually don’t sleep so early but I had to do an interview at 7.30am today and I was afraid of being late.

Interview went pretty well and you can say I sort of Stomped myself hahaha:

PR and all but I was damn self-conscious about having my photo online because we all know the Internet can be a cruel place. And my self-esteem is super fragile lol I must have bugged Farah a dozen times for her opinion on which pic looked the least awkward etc.

Honestly not my best photo but I shall not focus on my flaws. It’s true that you are your own worst critic because I was worried about the comments but they were all positive ones (so far). And some weren’t just about the story 😳😳😳

Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I do feel quite happy and flattered and I appreciate it!

If we were still on speaking terms, you would be the first person I would have shown these screenshots to, because that’s what I always did, but we are not, so here’s me blogging about it instead but whatever 🤷

After the interview, Farah and I left the school and I feel like the day just kept getting better:

  • Decided to save money and take the bus, which came in a minute
  • Went to our beloved McDonald’s for iced lattes and breakfast!! Omg so good
  • Online flash sales everywhere when we reached office so of course we had to shop and buy something 😂
  • Got to leave early after finishing our work!

Went to walk around Northpoint and I bought stuff AGAIN LOL… Mostly food for my family and a skincare set from Guardian for my mum. And treats for my hamsters!!! On the bright side, I managed to stay away from the library.

These are just treats and it added up to like $35… Maybe it’s guilt for not playing with them last night cos I wanted to sleep early. But it was just ONE night!! I play with them and do cleaning almost every night.

I think I’m obsessed with my hamsters??? But they are so freaking cute!!! 😍 Some days I smother the eldest one with 20 kisses in a row and once I read him a page from my book while he was on my bed. I cannot imagine what it would be like if I have a human child.

Another reason to be happy today was because a book that I bought online arrived today:

I think it’s a good deal because Book Depository sells it for almost $30 but I got it for $19 hehehe. And ya this is why my to-read list keeps growing.

Ok I’m gonna abuse Netflix now. Yippee!!!