P for procrastination… and pain

Got a super super important pitch tomorrow but somehow I’m doing everything except preparing for what I plan to say. From playing Neopets to trying Instagram stories to carrying my hamster… and now this. Ooops.

A tech website published a viral article about you today and even my friends are sharing it so your face is on my feed which got me thinking about stuff again…

Watched Nerve and Train to Busan today, both of which I really enjoyed. Besides the good-looking leads, breathtakingly beautiful setting and underlying social commentary, I like Nerve also because sometimes it’s all about being reckless, getting out of your comfort zone and simply having fun for yourself.

Have definitely gotten out of my comfort zone a lot this year, what with all my special assignments and presentations at work, as well as my awesome solo trip.

Being reckless (without endangering lives, of course) is so underrated… especially when you will never be younger than you are right now. And sometimes, you’ll not have a second chance again once the moment passes you by.

At a point where I feel very self-sufficient (for now anyway) but I guess it’s normal to still want more… things you don’t really need but would still be nice to have.

I knew from the start that being with you was very, very reckless. Some might even say stupid, though I don’t think so. What do they know about how I feel anyway? I didn’t want to end up in regret and thinking about the What Ifs for not having done or said something.

Somehow when I think about you these days, it’s still the hurt and pain that linger on my mind more than anything. Was it always like that? How come the thrill, exhilaration and short bursts of happiness that I once felt pale in comparison to memories of never-ending tears, being mistreated and despair?

But we were happy once, weren’t we? Even if we both knew it would never go anywhere. I don’t know about you but sometimes I liked to pretend that everything was normal and conveniently not think about anything that threatened to disturb the self-constructed bubble I was in. It was easier that way… until I couldn’t fake it anymore.

I always wonder if you still think about me the way I think about you. Deep down I know the answer but I hope you do anyway, even if it’s fleeting.