Traumatised

Okay I suppose I should update so that my ugly crying face is not the first thing people see when they enter this website. Haven’t relapsed or drank and cried since that day so all’s good as they can be. Need to stop acting crazy…

Been slacking off KFit classes and skipped whatever that I’d booked the past two weeks, though I finally attended bounce on Tuesday. Feeling guilty for being so unmotivated.

As much as I enjoy my job, sometimes I feel that between my daily editorial work, external assignments and events, digital platforms editor duties and being in the Social Committee, I have no energy left except to lie down and watch Game Of Thrones.

Actually, I do have lots of nice things coming up… I just don’t feel excited or happy, partly because I’m scared to be. Even though there have been a few bright spots in life, I’m afraid that they won’t last and they’ll just be more crushing, horrible ordeals.

Scared to hope, scared to trust, scared to be happy because happiness can be taken away from you anytime. Expect nothing and I’ll never be disappointed.

Fact is, I feel very traumatised by the events of last year. The effect of all that’s happened is finally starting to sink in, even though I’ve already spent so much time hurting. I’m only starting to realise just how much I lost, suffered and gave up for what has been the most painful, toxic and soul-sucking experience of my life.

I’m such a phoney because my life looks so happy on Facebook and Instagram, and I keep it moderate on Twitter. I really am trying though… 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁