twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

Perfect life balance

RE the previous entry about finding the perfect balance in life…
It’s something I try to achieve but it’s not easy, especially in a fast-paced society in Singapore.

Basically to me there are 5 main areas:

  1. Work/school life
  2. Social life/friends
  3. Family
  4. Sleep
  5. Personal time

One month has 4 weeks, one week has 7 days, and one day has only 24 hours. So I try to have time for every area though it’s almost impossible to allocate all your time equally. Usually the one that gets sacrificed is sleep since it’s the very last thing I do each day. I’m back to sleeping 3am on an average weeknight and it’s a terrible habit but I just can’t help it.

By personal time I mean anything I do alone like reading, watching shows/movies and using the Internet. I love all of these activities and wish I had endless time for all of them. I have an irrational fear of dying before I’ve read all the books/fics/mangas and watch all the movies/TV shows I want to. These days I rarely go on Tumblr anymore because it’s become pretty stupid and boring.

Honestly I get annoyed when people use a lack of time and money as ‘reasons’ as why they can’t meet. More like weak excuses. Just these 2 – ‘not free’ or ‘no money’. Once or twice is fine but anything more is unbelievable and annoying.

I’m not exactly well-off (although people who think they know everything seem to think so because of my shopaholism) and time (basically my whole point in the above few paragraphs) but I always try to make time for people. Sometimes I shift plans around (e.g. I’m already meeting someone but he/she is free the next day as well and someone wants to meet last minute) just so that I get to spend time with everyone.

So yes, it’s simply a matter of want to or not.
After awhile I just can’t be bothered anymore.

I know people always say that friends come and go in life. I do believe it but I always feel sad when it happens. However, not long ago, I actually grasped/learnt/whatever-you-call-it the concept. Now when such things happen, I only feel indifference. Like yeah thanks for the good times, I’ll always remember them, but it’s pointless to continue making an effort and we’re better off not friends.

I sound unfeeling but it’s life. As you grow up, you start to learn a lot of things and you start to change the way you think and act.

Also do you feel like in every group of friends you have, there is always that one black sheep you secretly loathe most of the time but are forced to tolerate and keep the dislike to yourself? Most groups anyway. For some reason, there is always that one annoying person with a not very pleasant personality.

I guess you can say I have very high expectations of everything. Of myself and of people around me which is why I can come off as harsh at times. Let’s start with very basic and obvious examples.

If you read my blog regularly, or even just the latest How Do You Perf entry, you’d probably notice how I always talk about the ideal day where everything is perfect, and how happy such days make me. I don’t know how to explain but the fact that I even acknowledge the existence of perfection is one thing…

Secondly, TVD episodes. I always have ridiculously high hopes even despite knowing I’ll end up ridiculously disappointed. It’s like I refuse to lower my expectations. I don’t see why I have to? Why settle for second best? Second best is not enough if you know the best exists or is attainable. But is it really attainable?

Also it is very normal for a show and a ship to have ups and downs. That’s how development and improvement come about, no? See, I know and understand this but somehow I still get supremely pissed off at the show if it’s not good enough or the characters’ relationships take a step back.

Thirdly, probably grades too. In this world, it is simply not enough to be average unless you want an average, boring life. No one cares about Bs and Cs – you can find them anywhere easily. Grading systems wouldn’t exist if an A is no different from a B.

Face it. To be outstanding in life, you have to be either outstandingly 1) rich 2) good-looking 3) smart or talented 4) hardworking PLUS lucky. We can read as many inspiring stories of successful people as we want but I’m sure there are people who have worked harder but aren’t as lucky that we haven’t heard of.

Forgot what happened but someone a friend said I have very high expectations of people as well. Lol true but if I give my all then I expect friends to do the same. I wasn’t even planning to blog about this personality trait of mine, just about a perfect life balance, but wow see Paragraphs 6 and 7??

I can remember a good deed as well as I can remember a wrongdoing. I might not act upon it, say anything or let it affect me outwardly but rest assured, I remember. Forgiven, not forgotten. I still remember how this girl from kindergarten stole my 2B pencil..

I would say something but aside from coming off as petty and unforgiving, it’s just gonna upset everyone, myself included, so the only sensible choice I have is to let it pass. I’m not vengeful but when people do you wrong, you are the one who suffers the most, so why should the culprit get away with just an apology and assume everything’s fine again while you bear all the hurt?!?!?!

Cue all the responses saying, ‘Like you’ve never done people wrong before?’ which I’m lazy to argue against.

Obviously I know I am far from perfect and so is my life, but I just don’t see why I should lower my expectations if they concern things and people I care about, especially if the expectations are attainable.

Okay very tired at 4:27am. As usual, people are probably gonna get butthurt and offended and disagree which is why I keep opinionated entries to a minimum (constant battle of should I post or should I not) but sometimes you just need to get things off your chest.

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