July 5, 2020
I’m surprised by how okay I actually feel. I thought I would be devastated or torn up or unable to function but surprise, surprise. I mean, the first day and the first weekend sucked but I feel like I’m just going on as normal now. Some days I even feel in high spirits. Though some days I wonder if I really feel nothing or if I’m just not allowing myself to feel.
And zero drunk-crying rages so far, can you believe it? I barely drank the past few months while working at home (no fun without friends) but now that we can socialise again… (drinking is a lifestyle regardless of whether I’m going through something or not lol).
Maybe this is what they call adulting. No longer in my early 20s!!!
Anyway it’s a good thing and I would say there are a few contributing factors:
- Sometimes people make it very easy for me to not give a shit
- Legit nothing can hurt me as much now, everything just pales in comparison
- Read enough and been through enough to know what people’s words and actions mean, no need for second-guessing and over-thinking and what ifs
- I was self-sufficient and in a good place to begin with
I honestly feel that the circuit breaker had nothing to do with what happened (the problems existed regardless), but I guess it turned out to be a good transitionary period. During the two months, I mostly kept to myself and did my own things. Work was more hectic than usual (thanks ah people who flouted the law and ended up in viral videos) but I was pretty content with my books, hamsters, Netflix and whatever else I did.
So now I’m just continuing do the same, with the added bonus of finally being able to see my friends. Back to my old life two years ago when I was on my own but self-sufficient and content and did not stop for anyone, minus the travelling and hiking (but I can wait).
One thing I really miss and want is the office gym. If these were regular times and I was still going to office, I would definitely be on the treadmill almost every day. I know there are other gyms and I can outdoors but it’s not the same la. Of all my coping mechanisms, this is definitely the healthiest 😂
At least I can finally go to the library again!!!
I chanced upon this small little book titled ‘It’s ok not to be ok’ on a shelf and wanted to see if it was worth borrowing. But then I flipped to this page and realised that we have very different ideals so it’s better if I didn’t waste my time HAHAHA.
Oh ya I went back to bangs 🙂