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Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

twiinklex ❤

All Is Well (2018)

June 6, 2020 / 03:18AM

Not to be confused with the 2015 movie of the same name.

Alles ist gut

Watched this German film (Alles Ist Gut) on Netflix last week and was struck by how good it is. Usually slow films like this will take me multiple sittings to finish because of my short attention span but I finished this in one night. Love how simple and realistic it is.

It’s amazing how much can be said in so few words. Aenne Schwarz’s performance as the female lead is stellar. A brief plot synopsis can be found here. Despite all the minimalism, this is what’s unsaid but you can see on her face:

One minute you were having fun and then it all goes to shit. You are resisting and trying to stop it but he’s not backing off. Now he’s guilting you into feeling bad for leading him on. He’s getting aggressive. You’re getting scared. The alarms are sounding in your head. This is not how you wanted it to go. This is not supposed to happen. You want it to stop. Suddenly it’s all happening so fast, too fast, your mind is barely able to catch up and process what’s happening. You feel helpless and powerless. At some point you just want it to be over so you give up fighting. You lie there, waiting for it to be over. It’s like your mind has disconnected from your body. Then it’s over.

But it’s not really over, is it? The worst thing that could possibly happen happened. You want to move on, pretend it never happened, but you can’t. You want so badly to tell someone, for someone to understand and tell you that it’s okay, it’s going to be okay. But nothing is okay and who would believe you anyway? It’s your fault; you were drinking, you were flirting. So what if you said no? So what if you said no multiple times? Why didn’t you fight back? No one can possibly understand; the fear, the helplessness, how sometimes everything just freezes as a defense mechanism. No one will.

You tell yourself it’s no big deal. No need to make a fuss. Forget about it. No need to complicate things. You try to go on as normal, act like nothing happened, but it’s consuming you. It’s all you can think about. Some might notice that you are different, they say you’ve changed. Now’s your chance to say something. But you don’t. You can’t. You are carrying all these hurt and pain that no one can see. Why can’t they see? Some part of you is angry because why can’t they see that you are in so much pain? Why does no one see him for what he is? Why does he get to live his life while you are suffering?

But you have to keep going. Act like everything is fine. Be normal. Be numb. Compartmentalize. You are stronger than this, you can do it. All is super, you say. How dare he? You want him to feel your pain, even though you know he never will. And it hurts so bad, you’re not sure how much more you can take. All of a sudden, you are crying and you can’t stop, you allow yourself this one moment of weakness. You realise you are alone. So, so alone.

You’ve held it together for so long now. But you are unravelling. You are losing it. You feel your facade slipping. To others, you are having a meltdown in public, on a train. They don’t see. Why can’t they see? Nobody can. You tried to buy a ticket but the machine was broken, you tell them repeatedly. But they aren’t listening. Nobody ever does. Nobody listened when you said no and nobody is listening now. But you don’t care. It’s fine. All is well. All is well. All is not well.

All Is Well 2018

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