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September 24th, 2016 Posted 1:00 am

Ok I should stop being cynical/disappointed/jaded about life in general. Think about what I have instead of what I don’t. I was telling Farah the same things I said in my previous ‘Milestones’ post but she pointed out that I have achieved a lot in my own right also.

“It’s not like I’m writing any groundbreaking, life-changing, prize-winning articles.”
“Technically you did win an award for Best Story.”

Lol Farah and I are always ranting to each other. They say misery loves company and that unhappiness shared is divided (while joy is doubled) etc Really applies in our case hahaha.

This means a lot to me! Was quite a surprise cos I didn’t even know we were having the award presentation that day nor was I aware that my editor had nominated me. So grateful and it’s moments like this that make all the slogging my guts out worth it.

Even my presentation on Thursday went surprisingly well. It was a really huge thing because the guests were all from prominent companies and they paid to attend this workshop we were hosting. My editor-in-chief told us, “Don’t be shy. You are selling your expertise and have the results to prove it.” But I still always feel so self-conscious.

After I finished my segment, everyone said I am now so much calmer as compared to when we hosted the very first workshop months ago HAHA. Even my editor came up to me and said, “Good job, you were the smoothest out of all 3.”

I think I can die happy ok?! Ok la I guess I really had a lot of practice over the past few months because we have been playing host to so many visitors and organisations! Students, foreigners and delegates, PR professionals etc.

Was just thinking about what a journey it has been and how different things are now as compared to when I first joined. Truly thankful for all the opportunities and experiences.

I’m so exhausted this week though. Worked more than 12 hours today and I still have a shift tomorrow. Even lousier sleeping (part insomnia, part stress, part nocturnal, part reading/browsing and eating habits than usual…

But yes, life is good and beautiful and I need to savour every moment. Just need to stop thinking about unworthy stuff that only upset me pffft.

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Jaded

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September 22nd, 2016 Posted 1:14 am

Feeling jaded with life in general. Only been back at work for one day and I am stressing already, mainly because I have a very important presentation tomorrow and public speaking just freaks me out. Important guests are actually paying money to attend our workshop and hear us share our expertise. Really hope it goes well.

Everyone who saw the selfie I posted on my Instagram story says that I look so tired. My dark eye rings are super obvious because I was up till 5am reading and then I had to wake up 3 hours later for work. Priorities…

I really hoped I wouldn’t be blogging about W again but I just can’t help it especially since I’m feeling down today.

I know sometimes people think that I do very reckless things and put myself at risk or in harm’s way. Like with the excessive drinking, getting onto a stranger’s bike at 3am and loads of other crazy adventures.

But what I have never told anyone is that deep down I feel like it doesn’t really matter even if something terrible does happen, because the worst has already happened. No one can hurt me more than he already did.

And just to be clear, nothing bad has ever happened whenever I drink because I’m surrounded by the best bunch of friends ever. Even the stranger whose bike I got on is now a friend who has been nothing but nice and respectful to me.

Also, I have never ever drank in W’s presence since he was the one who made me so sad and turn to alcohol in the first place anyway. In his presence, I constantly tried to be my best self and on my best behaviour (yes wtf right)even though I knew that wasn’t the real me but I felt like that was what he wanted.

Drinking is a coping mechanism and not the problem, unlike what people may think. But who cares what people think anyway? They know nothing.

you know nothing jon snow

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