twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

twiinklex ❤

Friends who show up

One blight during the early days was having to deal with people getting pissed off over the relationship (they can laugh now though). A longtime friend sent me a huge chunk of text and blocked me everywhere. Some (understandably) distanced themselves and/or stopped turning up for group gatherings. But I don’t need ‘friends’ like that so whatever. This post isn’t about them.

This post is for the ones who never left. The friends who are partly why I have been coping so well. They have always stuck by me throughout the years (even back when I was acting nuts and breaking things), whether it’s with sagely advice, a dose of reality, a listening ear, laughter, or food and drinks.

I usually tend to withdraw and deal with things on my own, but for some reason this time I told some of my closest friends right after it happened or over the next few days. And I’m really touched by how everyone was just there for me, no judgement and zero questions asked.

From the friends who sent me my favourite food, to the ones who were more than happy to host (I bet they were expecting lots of drunk crying, which didn’t happen 😝), and the ones who showed up when I needed it, thank you 💖💖💖

These are from different days during the first week when I was still licking my wounds like a hamster:

She even knows my go-to order 🥺

Didn’t feel like eating that day but it’s hard to say no when someone goes to look for pasta late at night just so that you will eat. And I did because the pasta was really good 🤣

Somehow a lot of people automatically assumed that I wanted a drink 😂 Not wrong, but more because I didn’t want to be alone and have the chance to wallow in my own thoughts.

Brought only one bottle of wine over that Saturday because I thought they didn’t want to drink much (and neither did I, after drinking till 6am the previous day) but it turned out to be not enough 🙄

No broken teeth this time despite deja vu vibes (this pool was where it happened) #progress #growth

The security guard came over to tell us that alcohol wasn’t allowed but we showed him how the wine bottle wasn’t open and we were drinking orange juice from the vending machine instead. Then after he left, we finished our juice and poured the wine into our cups 😛

I love how through the years we are always lecturing one another and lifting one another up whenever any of us is going through something.

This was the day of, so I needed someone to talk to and he was so cool about it 🥺

(Drink = neither alcohol nor caffeine btw, I am still capable of making sensible choices)

Friends who keep it real 😂 I was asking him whether he thinks I’ll be okay and he gave me all these (helpful) analogies. But despite all his nonsense, he’s always there when I’m in crisis mode even back when we were in school.

Went over to Deborah’s two Friday nights in a row and she’s forever the best host ever. Jeremy came both times too despite having to work the next morning and I would like to think it’s out of friendship rather than just the food and drinks HAHA.

I remember the aroma when entering Deborah’s flat that second Friday. She’d already prepared so much food for the gathering but even baked me a very fluffy raisin bread “to bring home”. 😭😭

I was like, why you go to the trouble omg and she said, “Cos you sent me croissants that time! Damn nice leh I ate one every day.” 🥺

I think anyone who knows me will know that I value time and the act of showing up a lot. Obviously I don’t expect people to drop everything and appear when I need them because we all have our own lives, but I feel like this was pretty much what my friends did for me and it really meant so much 🥰

Opted for a different look for dinner with Farah and Caryn yesterday

Fun fact: It’s impossible to starve when you are loved. So I have abandoned that quest for now lol. Also, this is why it’s important to maintain your friendships even if your heart has someone at the centre of your universe (now I’m the centre of my own universe again and it feels great).

Feelings are overrated

I’m surprised by how okay I actually feel. I thought I would be devastated or torn up or unable to function but surprise, surprise. I mean, the first day and the first weekend sucked but I feel like I’m just going on as normal now. Some days I even feel in high spirits. Though some days I wonder if I really feel nothing or if I’m just not allowing myself to feel.

And zero drunk-crying rages so far, can you believe it? I barely drank the past few months while working at home (no fun without friends) but now that we can socialise again… (drinking is a lifestyle regardless of whether I’m going through something or not lol).

Maybe this is what they call adulting. No longer in my early 20s!!!

Anyway it’s a good thing and I would say there are a few contributing factors:

  • Sometimes people make it very easy for me to not give a shit
  • Legit nothing can hurt me as much now, everything just pales in comparison
  • Read enough and been through enough to know what people’s words and actions mean, no need for second-guessing and over-thinking and what ifs
  • I was self-sufficient and in a good place to begin with

I honestly feel that the circuit breaker had nothing to do with what happened (the problems existed regardless), but I guess it turned out to be a good transitionary period. During the two months, I mostly kept to myself and did my own things. Work was more hectic than usual (thanks ah people who flouted the law and ended up in viral videos) but I was pretty content with my books, hamsters, Netflix and whatever else I did.

So now I’m just continuing do the same, with the added bonus of finally being able to see my friends. Back to my old life two years ago when I was on my own but self-sufficient and content and did not stop for anyone, minus the travelling and hiking (but I can wait).

One thing I really miss and want is the office gym. If these were regular times and I was still going to office, I would definitely be on the treadmill almost every day. I know there are other gyms and I can outdoors but it’s not the same la. Of all my coping mechanisms, this is definitely the healthiest 😂

At least I can finally go to the library again!!!

I chanced upon this small little book titled ‘It’s ok not to be ok’ on a shelf and wanted to see if it was worth borrowing. But then I flipped to this page and realised that we have very different ideals so it’s better if I didn’t waste my time HAHAHA.

Oh ya I went back to bangs 🙂