Cherlynn ❤

No rest for the wicked

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April 20th, 2015 Posted 12:00 am

The last post is too depressing. Need a new entry to push it down. Let’s see…

It’s been six weeks and I still haven’t finished my month-long course, which has been ‘suspended until further notice’. This is the second time… seems like I have no affinity with it. People who attend the same course usually finish it in four weeks without a hitch :(

singapore state courts

I was learning a lot and enjoying it. Visited the State Courts two weeks ago and it was sooo exciting! We sat through a City Harvest trial and watched Tan Ye Peng being cross-examined. The other accused parties such as Kong Hee and Serina Wee were seated just right in front of me.

On the way there to meet my course mates. I have to keep reminding myself not to smile because I have yet to fix my teeth!! It’s uglier than ever and I now look like I have one tooth missing after I got the chipped one filed down. Returning to the dentist later to fix it once and for all. Finally!

Dinner and dessert with a friend at Causeway Point on the same day. Yes, I’m one of *those people* who like Ilao Ilao. The cold actually hurt my tooth a lot before it was filed down, much more than biting off tough meat, but… the cold never bothered me anyway :P

Funny how I thought being on course would mean more time for myself but life is still as hectic as ever. Been wanting a day where I simply go home at 5pm right after class and don’t go anywhere else but that has yet to happen.

Listed down what I did the past few weeks to keep track and so that I don’t forget should I ever want to blog (fat chance). I didn’t realise the extent of how packed my days are.

I’m emotionally drained and physically worn out. Sleeping 12 hours doesn’t seem that ridiculous now. So much drama and plot twists in my life, both good and bad. Well, at least there’s never a dull moment.

Wanted to die on Apr 6 in particular. I forgot that class would end late and even assumed it would end early. Ended up rushing home to get something / going to meet a Carousell buyer / popping into the dentist to enquire about price / meeting Andre with 2% phone battery left.

Left the cinema and switched on my phone to 30 calls from my editor. I used my last 1% battery to copy his number on Andre’s phone so that I could call back. Just imagine the same level of panic as when you have missed calls from your mum T_T

I have also become a terribly lazy person. Used to spot-clean my hamster cages every other day and do a complete wash once a week. Then it became every two days and every one and a half weeks. Now it’s every three to four days and once every fortnight.

It’s super tedious and seriously no joke having four hamsters ok. Two were gifts and two were adopted but I don’t regret any of them. Good thing they are low maintenance creatures. A fifth one might kill me and mean I don’t have to sleep at all anymore.

I think my hamsters lead super good lives. I mix seven types of food for them as their staple diet and I have three different types of treats to give occasionally.

Not very motivated to work either. I still do give my all but I know my heart and mind are elsewhere. Not sure if it’s because of whatever’s been going on or if I just had too much time off work. Maybe both.

I wasn’t scheduled to work on Christmas, New Year or Chinese New Year nor did I have to do the late shift on their Eves. I went to New Zealand then Hong Kong then on course, all within weeks of each other. 2015 has lots of long weekends which I was dreading because they mean more work for me, but so far I haven’t worked during any of them. I have requested for Labour Day though.

Understandable that I won’t have the mood to work after all these right??? LOL oops.
What I AM in the mood for:

- Eat everything without getting fat
– Watch movies one after another
– Read books and fics (woohoo Delena and Dramoine 4eva) all day
– Travel and see the world (can $$$ drop from the sky plz)

Dinner at Siam Square Mookata last Thursday (April 16). It’s pretty good at $29.90 nett per pax and I love the variety!! Not sure how CK finished 10 sets of smoked duck on his own but I was exploding by the end of our four-hour meal.

Teeth too ugly to show here. Actually I feel super old, fat, tired and frumpy nowadays wtf…

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Pain

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April 19th, 2015 Posted 2:32 am

Finally caught up with Vampire Diaries but now that I’m slightly interested in the plot again (things have been so shitty… who cares about travellers and the Gemini coven and overhyped villains?? They are at vampire-witch hybrids now LOL looks like they have really run out of ideas), I have no episodes left.

The show is like a never-ending funeral. Everyone is pretty much an orphan now. There’s so much pain and grief and tears. P/S: All gifs used in this post are from TVD.

 caroline crying 6x15 gif

 caroline forbes crying 6x15 gif

“I feel like I’ve been crying since the day that my parents died. My life it’s – it’s like a never ending funeral. We keep burying people, Stefan. You want to know what’s heightened? This grief, I can’t stop feeling everyone’s grief. All the hurt, I feel like it’s trying to explode out of me.” - Elena Gilbert, 4×02

elena crying 4x15 gif

Makes me feel better about my life and forget my own pain. I don’t know what to say.

I didn’t think things would be so hard or I would feel this shitty all the time. Most people put up with suffering because they are working towards a goal that will make all the hardship worth it. They are guaranteed a happy ending. But there’s nothing at the end for me. Except maybe more pain.

But yet I insist on holding on… because I think the alternative hurts even more. A part of me thinks I deserve to feel this way because I chose it. And it’s not like I regret anything because there are good times too, however scarce. They are so good that I feel like they are worth putting up with anything for.

elena crying 4x02 gif

Plus I’m not a quitter. I’m the kind who forces myself to finish a book or movie no matter how bad it is or how much I hate it. I hate the feeling of leaving things undone or not knowing how they end. Just look at TVD – it’s rubbish but I keep coming back anyway.

I’m stubborn and don’t give up. Sometimes it does me more harm than good.

elena crying 1x07 gif

I don’t like who I’ve become. Some days I feel like I’m barely functional at all.

On Wednesday, I went home, showered, ate, then decided that I couldn’t deal with life any longer and went straight to bed at 8pm-ish. Other than waking up briefly twice to check the time, I was out cold for 12 hours. I didn’t want to care or think about anything so for once, I decided not to. It was nice.

The same thing happened on Friday, from 2am to 3pm. Being awake is too hard because I always think too much and trust me, it’s really tiring and emotionally draining.

 elena gilbert 4x04 gif

I miss my motivated, productive and happy self. When I felt like everything was going so perfectly. Went to sleep feeling thankful and blissful every night because there was truly nothing to be unhappy about.

Now even when good things happen, I feel like my happiness is fleeting. Then I’ll go back to feeling like crap. Wow I’m such a ray of sunshine to be around these days.

stefan salvatore 5x08 gif

Stefan said it all… Every time I think that everything will be okay, that I can deal with it, that I will be fine and perhaps it’s all my imagination, I realise that isn’t the case at all and go right back to square one.

Actually, I’m so used to my ‘on drugs’ cycle that I’m not even fussed anymore. I can even predict when I will be feeling what or how many days my random bursts of happiness will last before I fall apart again.

 caroline cry gif 6x15

Lots of crazy-pants in the show now actually… Villains trying to outdo one another in the psycho department and main characters flipping the humanity switch even though we have been there, done that in Season 4. Zzzz wish I had a switch that turned off my feelings too.