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feel everything so very deeply

It really, truly isn’t a big deal. I was feeling hopeful but my expectations were minimal. So what is this horrid, crippling disappointment that I feel? There is no reason to feel so down… but the sadness envelopes me, suffocates me and consumes me.

98% of my problems would be solved if I stopped overthinking things & calmed the fuck down.

— First World Problems (@FirstWorldPains) April 25, 2015

Then again, what’s new? Sometimes it does seem like it’s all in my head but other times, I’m not so sure myself either. I wouldn’t be over-thinking at all if there was nothing to think about in the first place, right??? RIGHT??!?! I’m so ridiculous that I can’t stand myself.

Editor drove us out for lunch today so we ate at Junction 8’s Ambush. We had Din Tai Fung last week (See, life is good. Don’t know for how long I want to be a miserable old sod). Wa, the last time I ate here was with Kenneth, Meredith and Sarah when I was still a lowly intern. This is only my second visit.

ambush lunch set

ambush's paella

ambush paella

Ambush’s paella yum yum. I just checked the old photos from my first visit and realised I ate this too. Pretty sure I’m bullshitting but it tastes better this time. $12.90 for this and soup and a drink which is quite value for money.

ambush chicken garlic sausages

Sarah’s chicken garlic sausages.

Jeremy: What is schnitzel?
Sarah: It’s that German thing lor.
Me: I also know it’s a German thing.

HAHAHA luckily I wasn’t laughing while drinking something this time. I have spat out my drink thrice in front of my colleagues recently because they say the funniest shit ever. Everyone is very scared of sitting opposite and beside me now 🙁

Won movie tickets too. I was just doing my work at 11.40pm on Sunday and came across the contest which was closing at midnight so I decided to try my luck hahaha.

So can I just get a grip and snap out of it already?? Ok la feeling much better than when I first started this post already. Firstly, I love posting/looking at food photos because they rarely ever turn out ugly. Secondly, I am lucky to have friends who put up with my bullshit.

Andre just sent me this crazy video of him doing the most ridiculous shit ever and now I can’t stop laughing. I also keep asking Jeremy stupid hypothetical questions non-stop but he humours me by answering them properly anyway. Strange how they have no idea what’s going on but are actually helping so much just by being around.

damon it's okay gif

The last post is too depressing. Need a new entry to push it down. Let’s see…

It’s been six weeks and I still haven’t finished my month-long course, which has been ‘suspended until further notice’. This is the second time… seems like I have no affinity with it. People who attend the same course usually finish it in four weeks without a hitch 🙁

singapore state courts

I was learning a lot and enjoying it. Visited the State Courts two weeks ago and it was sooo exciting! We sat through a City Harvest trial and watched Tan Ye Peng being cross-examined. The other accused parties such as Kong Hee and Serina Wee were seated just right in front of me.

On the way there to meet my course mates. I have to keep reminding myself not to smile because I have yet to fix my teeth!! It’s uglier than ever and I now look like I have one tooth missing after I got the chipped one filed down. Returning to the dentist later to fix it once and for all. Finally!

Dinner and dessert with a friend at Causeway Point on the same day. Yes, I’m one of *those people* who like Ilao Ilao. The cold actually hurt my tooth a lot before it was filed down, much more than biting off tough meat, but… the cold never bothered me anyway 😛

Funny how I thought being on course would mean more time for myself but life is still as hectic as ever. Been wanting a day where I simply go home at 5pm right after class and don’t go anywhere else but that has yet to happen.

Listed down what I did the past few weeks to keep track and so that I don’t forget should I ever want to blog (fat chance). I didn’t realise the extent of how packed my days are.

I’m emotionally drained and physically worn out. Sleeping 12 hours doesn’t seem that ridiculous now. So much drama and plot twists in my life, both good and bad. Well, at least there’s never a dull moment.

Wanted to die on Apr 6 in particular. I forgot that class would end late and even assumed it would end early. Ended up rushing home to get something / going to meet a Carousell buyer / popping into the dentist to enquire about price / meeting Andre with 2% phone battery left.

Left the cinema and switched on my phone to 30 calls from my editor. I used my last 1% battery to copy his number on Andre’s phone so that I could call back. Just imagine the same level of panic as when you have missed calls from your mum T_T

I have also become a terribly lazy person. Used to spot-clean my hamster cages every other day and do a complete wash once a week. Then it became every two days and every one and a half weeks. Now it’s every three to four days and once every fortnight.

It’s super tedious and seriously no joke having four hamsters ok. Two were gifts and two were adopted but I don’t regret any of them. Good thing they are low maintenance creatures. A fifth one might kill me and mean I don’t have to sleep at all anymore.

I think my hamsters lead super good lives. I mix seven types of food for them as their staple diet and I have three different types of treats to give occasionally.

Not very motivated to work either. I still do give my all but I know my heart and mind are elsewhere. Not sure if it’s because of whatever’s been going on or if I just had too much time off work. Maybe both.

I wasn’t scheduled to work on Christmas, New Year or Chinese New Year nor did I have to do the late shift on their Eves. I went to New Zealand then Hong Kong then on course, all within weeks of each other. 2015 has lots of long weekends which I was dreading because they mean more work for me, but so far I haven’t worked during any of them. I have requested for Labour Day though.

Understandable that I won’t have the mood to work after all these right??? LOL oops.
What I AM in the mood for:

– Eat everything without getting fat
– Watch movies one after another
– Read books and fics (woohoo Delena and Dramoine 4eva) all day
– Travel and see the world (can $$$ drop from the sky plz)

Dinner at Siam Square Mookata last Thursday (April 16). It’s pretty good at $29.90 nett per pax and I love the variety!! Not sure how CK finished 10 sets of smoked duck on his own but I was exploding by the end of our four-hour meal.