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Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

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Bibliophile

Fangirling post because I have read so many good books recently. Finished Lang Leav’s Memories as well as Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur today.

george rr martin reader quote

Finished Storm of Swords not long ago and it was so brilliant!! No wonder everyone says it’s the best book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series. Never thought I would be so hooked but the whole new universe that George R.R. Martin has created is simply beyond incredible.

Storm of Swords starts off with the White Walkers attacking The Night’s Watch and there’s my favourite Daenerys in Astapor scene too but it is the second half that is CRAY CRAY.

Red Wedding > Ygritte dies (“We should have stayed in that cave” omg everything sucks) > Barristan reveals himself to Daenerys (really didn’t see this coming cos it was different in the show) > Purple Wedding > Jon battles the wildings > Tyrion’s trial > The Mountain versus The Red Viper > Jon is Lord Commander > Lysa and the Moon Gate > Lady Stoneheart appears

My jaws dropped at the ending. At a lot of scenes actually. Even though I roughly know what will happen from the show, the writing is damn mind-blowing. Love how Needle is re-introduced!!! I didn’t even realise it was Needle at first… then the reveal is like WOOOO.

He wore three blades on his belt, Arya saw; a longsword on his left hip, and on his right a dagger and a slimmer blade, too long to be a dirk and too short to be a sword.

[Paragraphs later]

Arya went to Polliver and knelt in his blood long enough to undo his swordbelt. Hanging beside his dagger was a slimmer blade, too long to be a dirk, too short to be a man’s sword . . . but it felt just right in her hand.

“You remember where the heart is?” the Hound asked.

She nodded. The squire rolled his eyes. “Mercy.”

Needle slipped between his ribs and gave it to him.

aya polliver gif

Off The Map Chelsea Fagan

Read this little book (free on the Kindle store) while in KL to prep myself for my solo trip in Thailand. Loads of great stories and my favourite was from this girl who walked dunno how many kilometres in Africa because she couldn’t pass some border and had to turn all the way back while her friends drove on by themselves.

So she was one of my inspirations who made me go, “If she can do it, why can’t I?”

animal-farm-horz

Also re-read these two classics days ago because I had a sudden animal craving lol. Was introduced to Animal Farm in school and I think out of all the books we had to study for Literature, it’s still the best and my favourite.

Charlotte’s Web was one of the first few books I ever read if I remember correctly. Funnily enough, it wasn’t a purchase. I think someone had given me a whole bag of old books and it was inside. My book cover isn’t the iconic one with the girl but the obscure one above.

Anyway I cried harder this time than I did as a child at the ending wtf. Like full-on sobbing. Why is my adult self so emotional????

IMG_7484

Also re-read this YA novel called ‘The Way I Used To Be’ (life sure has a way of forcing you to grow up) that made me cry on both readings. You can feel how raw and real the emotions are… And also because I feel like I can relate.

Most of that hate, though, I save for me. No matter what anyone else did or didn’t do, it was ultimately me who gave them permission. I’m the one who’s lying. The coward too afraid to just stop pretending.

The plan was to get better, to feel better, by any means. But I don’t feel better, I feel empty, empty and broken, still. And alone. More alone than ever before.

Pain changes people. All that self-loathing, guilt, confusion, secret anger and resentment, wondering why something has to happen and why you are the only one suffering, wishing for anyone to just understand but nobody will ever do, wondering if your feelings are justified, wanting so desperately to forget and to just stop hurting.

Why, surely you didn’t think I just randomly decided to start drinking excessively for no reason? Or that I suddenly started working doubly, triply hard out of nowhere? Haha please. My previous post is only a very tiny fraction of everything that happened.

Ok said too much, back to my Kindle!


Alive and well

Been trying to take it easy so there’s actually not much going on. Slept 12 hours each on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday (Sep 20, 21, 22) because I don’t feel very well/am very tired (how much sleep debt do I owe anyway).

Shit happened during the one hour I was awake on Sunday afternoon when I dropped my S3 onto the floor from my bed. I’ve dropped my phone face down onto hard surfaces from even greater heights plenty of times before so I’m not sure why this is so different.

cracked samsung phone

I feel so resigned. Even though all my family and friends always criticised it, I constantly defended it and stuck with it for years despite despite everyone telling me it wasn’t the best. Because I am emotionally attached to it and appreciate what it has done for me (not a lot but enough). Really didn’t need all the newer, flashier S4/5/6/Edge or iPhones 4/5/6 out there because the S3 stood out in my heart.

Yet this is how it lashes out at me just because I was planning on getting the new rose gold iPhone 6S (it’s pink!!!). Why do the things I love do this to me or am I just loving the wrong things.

Are we still talking about phones? No, not really. Just that in the other case, there was no new iPhone at all. I can go on with my analogies but then I’ll never finish this post.

So much for being disciplined at the F1 party on Saturday night. I barely drank so I didn’t end up crying, injuring myself, cajoling free drinks out of the bartender or asking random strangers if they thought I was cuter than the DJ (never going to forget Super Summer). But what’s the point anyway…

2/5 weekdays last week I went to take a nap right after dinner and my mum was having a go at me so I said, “Why can’t I sleep right after dinner? I have a good life. I can afford to.” I also pointed out that my pudding hamster seems to sleep 22 hours a day but she said I’m not a hamster.

How to not have a food coma when your mother keeps cooking nice stuff like this though:

sambal prawns

I drank the sauce like it was soup and the prawns are nearly as big as a palm…

giant prawn

Few Sundays back, I also tried my hand at being domestic (nah) and made pancakes.

Actually bought the mix from Daiso months ago but never got round to using it and my mum asked if I was waiting for mould to appear. All you need to do is add eggs and water to create the batter.

heart shape pancake batter

My mum even bought me a heart shaped pan (perhaps in hopes of bringing out the non-existent chef in me). She was hovering about and demonstrating. I told her ‘I got this’ and that she could leave the kitchen but she said no. I wonder why.

It was actually quite fun but I also realised that cooking requires a lot of patience that I’m not sure I have. Wonder how does my mum do it all the time and so well too. She whips up the best stuff.

heart shape pancakes

Tada! Managed to make about 7 or 8 pieces and I still have half a packet of the mix left. I love the shape and taste is okay but texture is errrr more chewy than fluffy. Never mind, practice makes perfect.

On the bright side, nobody in the family died after eating it. Forgot to give my hamsters some though.

heart shape pancakes

Since I was clearly not about to become a Masterchef anytime soon, I also tried dabbling in some art. Finally opened the adult colouring book (Enchanted Forest by Johanna Basford) that I purchased in Hong Kong with Estelle earlier in February.

Bought it because it looked very pretty and interesting. Maybe my subconscious knew I would need something therapeutic to occupy me sooner or later.

enchanted forest johanna basford

(not my pic)

enchanted forest colouring book

Only had time for one page but I’m gonna try to do more when I can. I think my favourite part is how I can use any colours I want (e.g. blue leaves) because it’s my book and I have all the say. Not something you will keep showing to people either so who cares what they think?

Unlike on my blog where I actually feel quite restricted sometimes, because I can’t say too much or where people are nosy, assuming and judgy even though I’m not even writing to/for any of them.

Anyway, it turns out that art is not calling either because I did not have any Picasso moments but that’s fine too. I shall stick to the form of therapy which I know best aka shopping.

Bought 9 books on Book Depository recently even though I still have so many unread books at home, in my office and on my Kindle. I love Book Depo!!! I told CK about my latest spree and justified it as ‘retail therapy’ but he said, “Wonder how long you can pull that card.”

For as long as I feel like it. I need retail therapy all year long, happy or sad ok.
I was even looking at Casio watches on Zalora.

casio watches zalora

casio watches

Was just marvelling at how metallic, minimalistic and yet elegant the left one is when I saw the one on the right. So unique because it looks like a phone!! Apparently it has 5 alarms, dual time, auto LED light and digital movement.

alvin tan sex pork and persecution book

Remember sex blogger Alvin Tan? I even bought his book because it sounded really interesting especially the portion about his prison stint. His Facebook page is seriously entertaining. I don’t really care about politics but he has really accurate views about males, females, life and relationships.

Very blunt, straight to the point but true (even those criticising Singaporean girls and I say this as someone belonging to that demographic). I recommend reading them even if you don’t like him… especially if you are the guy who never gets the girl.

So yes… doing lots of things to keep myself from over-thinking. But I honestly think it’s fine even if I’m not over it. Why should I pretend to be happy or be expected to feel something I’m not?

never apologise for showing feeling

Someone told me that it’s okay if you can’t forget or aren’t over it yet. Because if it was so easy, it would cheapen the value of everything. If it could be so easy, then none of it must have mattered very much after all. I think it makes a lot of sense.

Lol really random how I was at f.Club on Saturday when out of nowhere, I suddenly realised that I haven’t thought about it for the whole day… until I realised what I was thinking of.

Logging off with office selfies to show that I am alive and well.