June 25, 2015
I find most of Hollywood’s romcoms shit, but 10 Things I Hate About You is my #1 favourite along with Clueless. Please don’t read the rest of this post without watching this scene.
I hate the way you talk to me
(You never passed up on a chance to make fun of me and my quirks. Even though I always responded very indignantly, I secretly enjoyed it because they were our inside jokes and shared memories that no one else would ever be a part of.)
And the way you cut your hair
(Loved running my hands through your hair)
I hate the way you drive my car
(I don’t drive but you do, usually with one hand, so that I could hold the other or link my arms with yours. Me leaning my head on your shoulder, you smelling my hair and kissing the top of my head were simple moments that meant so much.)
I hate it when you stare
(Always looking at me with that smile on your face like you were in on some amusing secret. Then I would tell you to share the joke, but you never ever do. Sometimes we simply stared at each other without the need for conversation. Once I even told you I felt like I could do this i.e. look at you forever.)
I hate your big dumb combat boots
(Do you have to look so good in that campaign for well-known-label-I-will-not-name?)
And the way you read my mind
(Knowing what my replies would be but asking me anyway. Sometimes you answered yourself for me. You always said you were waiting for the day when I finally surprise you with different answers… but now it’s never going to happen.)
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme
Maybe today will be the day where I can wake up and not want to cry, cuss or die
— Cherlynn (@twiinklex) June 23, 2015
I hate the way you’re always right
(Like when I told you to have more faith in my sense of direction and ability to find the place but ended up lost anyway till you came looking… with that amused smile.)
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate the way you’re not around
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
The rest is self-explanatory. Not going to have these moments anymore… Except for the crying part which hasn’t changed.
Somehow I just can’t be angry. I wish I was, because rage would be so much better than what I feel now. Crippling disappointment, suffocating sadness, confusion, longing, resignation, exhaustion, loss, emptiness, pointlessness, lots and lots of hurt.
It is quite pathetic that I keep going on about things even though it’s all over. But whatever, it makes me feel better and I don’t owe anyone an explanation.
I should calm down with the pop culture references and analogies. And stop torturing myself with memories. And go to bed because I’m left with 3 hours of sleep.