Random storytime that I am just expelling from my system and do not mean anything by.

I am truly working on growing and healing and being better (mostly for my own sake so not as noble as it sounds). But sometimes life has other ideas and the universe works in funny ways (the ironic kind, not the ha-ha kind). Often I feel like I am being tested and failing.

But I really am trying, even though it’s a struggle sometimes and temptation is always there. Of course I miss it and so many times I’ve wanted to respond, you have no idea. There’s so much I want to say but what’s the point, when I’m not being heard? It’s nothing I haven’t said before anyway and it’s not like anything will ever change, as history has shown. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So as hard as it as, I’ve tried my best to let it go. Just let it go, cut things off, clean break, no contact. But when someone knows the darkest, most self-destructive parts of you, the lows and the ugly, the parts you keep hidden and buried from everyone else, when there’s so much history, how do you just erase it all?

Nevertheless, I’ve stuck to it and a work in progress is still progress. Some days I’m proud of myself for being brave, not wavering and doing what I know is the right thing.

All fine and dandy, amirite?

But as I said, sometimes life works in funny ways, There I am being resolute and life decides to dish out another test or temptation or whatever you wanna call it.

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My brain: Ok this guy is so nice and kind? Lending me his hiking pole even though he only has one and being very helpful on the hike. And the conversation is good!

My brain after looking at his fingers some time later: Ok unavailable and off-limits, of course. And there’s the catch. Lollll of cos. Of cos!

At this point I was just very self-amused because why do I always gravitate towards the same demographic??!?!?!

He: So are you single or seeing someone?
(can’t remember exact words but ya)

My brain: LOL why is he asking? I don’t think it’s entirely appropriate for him to be asking me this. Am I over-thinking this? (I mean, it could be just curiosity or a convo-starter but… is it?)

Anyway the conversation was really good the whole time and there were thoughtful gestures like switching spots with me so that I was in the shade while he was in the sun. I’m not insinuating anything, it was just nice vibes and good company on such a long hike.

After the hike, I did some cyber-stalking out of curiosity and that was it. I felt that it would not be hard to continue the connection and I’ll admit it was kinda tempting to? But as I said, I am determined to do and be better.

So I put the whole thing out of my mind and almost a month goes by…

But then few days ago I woke up, checked Instagram and guess who followed me?!

Ah life, you funny ironic thing.

Me: Do you realise that nowadays the vegetable dishes you cook always finish very fast and there are no leftovers?

Mum: Yes cos you eat a lot.

Improving my diet and nutrition, trying to eat better and healing my relationship with food has been one of the best decisions ever and life-changing. I actually feel such a huge difference. Still a work in progress of course but it’s a huge step from starving myself so it means a lot to me.

Mum: You want your Starbucks?

Me: Nope. Now I make my own coffee, my whole carton of milk only $5. Here one cup of coffee $7.

Mum: Now then you know huh! Now then you know.

I was chasing membership points previously, plus I used to have more time to idle the whole afternoon away with a book at Starbucks. Then I decided to cut down to save money for my Greece trip and at the same time, I started making my own coffee as part of my goal towards mindful eating. Somehow I just completely kicked my Starbucks habit and I don’t crave it anymore. I also really prefer preparing my own food now and I like getting to choose the exact kind of milk I want to use in my coffee. Win win!

Me: We ordered a dish to share and got three pieces of meat, so one each right? Then I don’t want to eat so much so I said he can have the second piece also. Then I was eating my piece halfway but he went to eat it too.

Mum: Wa, this kind (of guy) cannot.

My piece was also already the smallest (leftmost):

Not that I care for the food and I can save on calories but it’s just so thoughtless and inconsiderate… Not the first time this person has done this either. Anyway it’s a funny story to retell and another friend of mine said it’s super rude and lacking in basic table manners 🤷‍♀️

Me: Nowadays a lot of people messaging me on Instagram.

Mum: People you know or don’t know?

Me: Don’t know. But I never reply anyone cos my mother told me not to talk to strangers.

Mum: Block all! Instagram is unsafe!

🤣🤣🤣

Favourite person forever!