twiinklex ❤

Bad decisions make good stories. And I always have a good story.

Category: Photographs

The (Drunk) Girl On The Train

…Is not me.

Was on the train home on Friday night, enjoying my book with my airpods on, totally oblivious to what was unfolding before me. When I looked up, there was already a yellow sea of puke on the floor. Thank god for masks cos I couldn’t smell anything.

blackout drunk

The girl was totally passed out and unresponsive, her head just lolling about and both legs splayed out.

There were a few people around her so I tried to place them. A helpful off-duty nurse whom I initially thought was MRT staff. The guy I wondered whether was an onlooker helping out or her boyfriend.

They were wiping the girl’s face and moving her hair back. The guy also tried to hang a plastic bag under her chin but couldn’t get it to stay in position. He tried to wake her by tapping her cheek (the strangeness of this gesture was why I thought they were strangers) but to no avail.

After awhile, he carried her out of the train. That’s when I realised they were acquainted. His face was also very red so I suppose they both had a lot to drink.

passed out drunk

The puke remained there throughout my journey.

Anyway, my first (lousy) thought was to judge her. I even had the cheek to think ‘I might have broken a tooth but at least I have never…’ until I recalled all my own pukey times from years ago (haven’t reached this extent in a long time, thankfully).

Then afterwards I was judging him because ‘if you are her boyfriend, then you shouldn’t have let her drink this much’. But I realised that when someone is determined to do something, it is actually very hard to stop them. All those times when we know when we should have stopped three glasses ago or left the party an hour ago but didn’t. The best you can do is to just keep them safe.

I also felt that it was very nice of him to take care of her and deal with this despite all the eyes on them. Made me thankful for all the friends who have done the same for me (though I’ve only reached this stage of being unable to go home on my own once, when I broke my tooth).

Then I thought about how it is very easy to judge people but we don’t know what they are going through. Maybe her parents are divorcing. Maybe she just had a breakup and this guy is her friend. Maybe she had a particularly shit day. Maybe she just needs to mask the sadness. We don’t know.

Anyway, hope they are fine. I think they will be, other than her waking up in a pool of regret and self-loathing the next day. But every day is a new beginning and one bad night does not define you.

As for me, I’m surprised and almost in disbelief at how well everything is going. There’s so much to be thankful and happy for every day. I feel like my hard work is paying off and it’s all just very rewarding.

I also realised that there will always be things needing to be done and I should just live in the moment. I mean, I used to like finishing everything so that I can stop thinking about them and go do my own stuff. But things have changed (not in a bad way) and that ‘100% free’ mode is no longer possible (for now).

For awhile, it made me whiny and seem ungrateful. But now that I have changed my mindset and eased into a routine, I feel very content and capable and productive again.

Like, I planned to just shut off for the whole of Friday evening. Was already out when some stuff came in; one marked urgent and the other due that very day. Decided to stay chill and enjoy my evening anyway. If it’s not life and death, it can wait a few hours. Completed the tasks at 3am. Watched Neflix till 5am. Work me, social me, and lazy me all are happy.

All of these has been very enlightening. Of course, I’m very lucky in the sense that everything is flexible and pretty much up to my own planning.

Recently, I even tried sleeping earlier and waking up early for a few days and felt really good. Less groggy and more productive. Too bad it didn’t last long because I started a new K-drama and I can’t stop watching at night. Maybe I will try again.

I should stop using sleep as a tradeable commodity. More work to do? Just use the time meant for sleep. Because I refuse to use time meant for my hobbies. Which is very wrong but I cannot stop when I’m in the middle of a good book or show.

But again, it’s an arrangement that works for me. I just feel very fulfilled right now. Maybe because I stopped being so hard on myself all the time. Don’t feel like running then don’t run. You want that overpriced cappuccino then just get it. You want to be a hamster fanatic then just be. You like that pic of yourself so just post it even though everyone thinks you have no pants on.

Friends who show up

One blight during the early days was having to deal with people getting pissed off over the relationship (they can laugh now though). A longtime friend sent me a huge chunk of text and blocked me everywhere. Some (understandably) distanced themselves and/or stopped turning up for group gatherings. But I don’t need ‘friends’ like that so whatever. This post isn’t about them.

This post is for the ones who never left. The friends who are partly why I have been coping so well. They have always stuck by me throughout the years (even back when I was acting nuts and breaking things), whether it’s with sagely advice, a dose of reality, a listening ear, laughter, or food and drinks.

I usually tend to withdraw and deal with things on my own, but for some reason this time I told some of my closest friends right after it happened or over the next few days. And I’m really touched by how everyone was just there for me, no judgement and zero questions asked.

From the friends who sent me my favourite food, to the ones who were more than happy to host (I bet they were expecting lots of drunk crying, which didn’t happen 😝), and the ones who showed up when I needed it, thank you 💖💖💖

These are from different days during the first week when I was still licking my wounds like a hamster:

She even knows my go-to order 🥺

Didn’t feel like eating that day but it’s hard to say no when someone goes to look for pasta late at night just so that you will eat. And I did because the pasta was really good 🤣

Somehow a lot of people automatically assumed that I wanted a drink 😂 Not wrong, but more because I didn’t want to be alone and have the chance to wallow in my own thoughts.

Brought only one bottle of wine over that Saturday because I thought they didn’t want to drink much (and neither did I, after drinking till 6am the previous day) but it turned out to be not enough 🙄

No broken teeth this time despite deja vu vibes (this pool was where it happened) #progress #growth

The security guard came over to tell us that alcohol wasn’t allowed but we showed him how the wine bottle wasn’t open and we were drinking orange juice from the vending machine instead. Then after he left, we finished our juice and poured the wine into our cups 😛

I love how through the years we are always lecturing one another and lifting one another up whenever any of us is going through something.

This was the day of, so I needed someone to talk to and he was so cool about it 🥺

(Drink = neither alcohol nor caffeine btw, I am still capable of making sensible choices)

Friends who keep it real 😂 I was asking him whether he thinks I’ll be okay and he gave me all these (helpful) analogies. But despite all his nonsense, he’s always there when I’m in crisis mode even back when we were in school.

Went over to Deborah’s two Friday nights in a row and she’s forever the best host ever. Jeremy came both times too despite having to work the next morning and I would like to think it’s out of friendship rather than just the food and drinks HAHA.

I remember the aroma when entering Deborah’s flat that second Friday. She’d already prepared so much food for the gathering but even baked me a very fluffy raisin bread “to bring home”. 😭😭

I was like, why you go to the trouble omg and she said, “Cos you sent me croissants that time! Damn nice leh I ate one every day.” 🥺

I think anyone who knows me will know that I value time and the act of showing up a lot. Obviously I don’t expect people to drop everything and appear when I need them because we all have our own lives, but I feel like this was pretty much what my friends did for me and it really meant so much 🥰

Opted for a different look for dinner with Farah and Caryn yesterday

Fun fact: It’s impossible to starve when you are loved. So I have abandoned that quest for now lol. Also, this is why it’s important to maintain your friendships even if your heart has someone at the centre of your universe (now I’m the centre of my own universe again and it feels great).