Running ragged

Ask around, do a search online and everywhere will tell you why consistency is important. It also sounds easy in theory but is pretty darn difficult to apply. I’ve always prided myself on being a consistent person but today I really felt just how hard it is.

It’s not just about habits and goals or showing up for yourself or maintaining the same energy, but also the things like protecting your boundaries, not yoyo-ing and sticking it out even when it’s uncomfortable, for your own happiness in the long run, instead of choosing instant gratification. Today I feel tested.

I am more affected by the intangible things than I care to admit but even the tangible things like work and not skipping my pilates class was tough today. It was so tempting to go home before sunset while the rain had abated and eat McDonald’s…

I did turn up in the end since the rain had stopped temporarily and it’s just at the HDB block next to office (outdoors but under a sheltered pavillion) but I got my legs so dirty while walking there and the ground was still wet but I lay my mat down anyway 😩😩😩 Super ick!!!

I had to wipe my mat and legs and everything after returning to office but worst was how the rain had turned into a storm by the time I wanted to leave, so everything inside my bag got soaked even though I had an umbrella. So tired dirty smelly by the time I got home, ewww. Nothing a hot shower can’t solve but ya, felt like it would have been easier to just skip class! And no I did not get to eat my McDonald’s 😠

Lol ok just a silly rant.

I’ve been feeling gloomy and depleted allllll day. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s just one of those days. Unloaded a bit on Farah and I feel validated, in the sense that her reactions and responses make me feel that I am not overthinking things or making something out of nothing?

I don’t know why I still second-guess myself when time and time again my intuition turns out to be right and deep down I know it’s not nothing. Maybe because I’m used to minimising my own feelings so that other people don’t have to deal with them (something I am trying to work on).

She’s really one of those who just gets it, probably because we are similar types who feel everything so deeply. Today I was telling her how with some people (e.g. me and her) you just click and are on the same frequency, but with others I feel nothing at all and it’s not that there’s nothing to talk about, but I just don’t feel like opening up to them at all 😂

Anyway before she left office, she told me, ‘I’m proud of you!’ and it just meant so much and was exactly what I needed today 😭😭😭

Just remember. You run yourself ragged for other people, Adelaide. You deserve someone who’s going to show up for you, too. — Adelaide, Genevieve Wheeler

Quote from one of my favourite books this year.

Yes I do 🥹