Brain versus Heart

June 17, 2018 / 12:59AM

Sharing an excerpt from Amy Poehler’s Yes Please memoir. This chapter struck a chord with me. It’s about how she unintentionally did a Saturday Night Live skit that she thought was harmless but ended up hurting people because turns out, the skit was making fun of real, disabled people but she didn’t know until later too late, when she received an angry letter.

I feel like I was meant to read this book at this time (or last week, to be more precise) because it is exactly what I was doing / going through. I was feeling indignant and aggrieved and being defensive and fixated on explaining myself, all about me me me.

This book helped me to realise that I was focused on the wrong thing and missing the point. I read it before getting hit with a second blow though, so now I feel even more terrible because I’ve been knocked off my high horse and turns out, it really is my fault.

APOLOGY FROM THE BRAIN:

APOLOGY FROM THE HEART:

If I could undo it all, I would. Even if it meant never having known some of my favourite memories. Unfortunately I can’t. And I know no amount of apologising or remorse will change anything or make it better, but I truly am sorry. To know that I have brought pain to someone I care about hurts me too.

Honestly it feels really shitty to go from being seen as perfect in your eyes to being repulsive and a turn-off but I know I deserve it. It’s a hard pill to swallow but swallow it I must.