Still the same yet not the same

Went to make new EZ-link card today at AMK. Costed me $18 just to replace the card. Paid from my own pocket, of course. Spent so much this month; cab fare + homework materials + this and I still have to buy formal wear. Sigh.

Well, I’m still glad that my parents didn’t scold me or anything. Anw thank goodness I have all my earnings from tuition so I don’t really mind… I just hope the old card doesn’t make a reappearance!!!

Was in the area so decided to buy Koi bubble tea and pop by school to see Darilene, since she had group meeting. Knew she wasn’t very happy so decided to surprise her with Koi and hopefully cheer her up!

I bought 3 Bubble Green Milk Tea, for Darry, Jas and myself. Jas has been helping me out a lot ever since forever, especially with group work and all. Plus I know she likes Koi! 😀

Anw, my house -> NYP -> AMK so it’s on the way ^^
Why is it when no classes I keep going back school and when there are classes, I keep wanting to skip?

Apparently many classmates were in school for group meetings today… and they were in the library so I stuffed the whole bag of bubble tea into my tiny handbag and smuggled it in 😀

The look of surprise and joy on both their faces and I gave them the bubble tea… you have no idea how appreciated I felt. Just something that I hope will brighten your day, girls (:

Even though I myself can’t be happy, at least I can make people happy. Oh well.

Vanessa asked if I am very happy today. I started to say no but then changed my mind and wanted to say yes, but in the end I said okok. I can’t decide if I’m happy or not.

Like I said in the previous poast, I’m happy in the day when I’m physically surrounded by people… nights are a whole different matter altogether 🙁

I typed out a whole poast but then deleted everything from here onwards. Fuck this shit. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

Wanna fucking cry. If you can’t help or encourage me, then leave me alone. No need to make useless comments and make me feel worser than I already am. You don’t even understand yet all you do is judge, judge, judge. You’re not me.

All some people know how to do is talk talk talk… You don’t even know the whole situation. You haven’t even been through the exact same thing. Never ever.

Can I go into coma for one week and when I wake up, everything is fine again? I don’t wanna die and anw, I’m afraid of pain. Coma will do, thankyou very much.

Oh, give me a break, people!
It’s fucking impossible to keep up with this facade of being happy ALL THE TIME any longer. I have my bad times too, I’m not perfect. And all I wanna do now is just give up, leave everything behind and fucking disappear!

Stop expecting stuff of me.
I can’t perform miracles.

If you really care, if you really understand me, you’d know what to do.

Chicken backside I started this poast on a relatively happy note, but see how everything’s ending? Wonderful metaphor for Life.

Thankyou those who have always been by my side, who always listen, who never ever judge, who constantly forgive and understand me, who don’t expect anything of me, who love me for who I am, for every single thing. You people are the reason why I am still alive in this world. Thankyou. I love you.