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Jaded

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September 22nd, 2016 Posted 1:14 am

Feeling jaded with life in general. Only been back at work for one day and I am stressing already, mainly because I have a very important presentation tomorrow and public speaking just freaks me out. Important guests are actually paying money to attend our workshop and hear us share our expertise. Really hope it goes well.

Everyone who saw the selfie I posted on my Instagram story says that I look so tired. My dark eye rings are super obvious because I was up till 5am reading and then I had to wake up 3 hours later for work. Priorities…

I really hoped I wouldn’t be blogging about W again but I just can’t help it especially since I’m feeling down today.

I know sometimes people think that I do very reckless things and put myself at risk or in harm’s way. Like with the excessive drinking, getting onto a stranger’s bike at 3am and loads of other crazy adventures.

But what I have never told anyone is that deep down I feel like it doesn’t really matter even if something terrible does happen, because the worst has already happened. No one can hurt me more than he already did.

And just to be clear, nothing bad has ever happened whenever I drink because I’m surrounded by the best bunch of friends ever. Even the stranger whose bike I got on is now a friend who has been nothing but nice and respectful to me.

Also, I have never ever drank in W’s presence since he was the one who made me so sad and turn to alcohol in the first place anyway. In his presence, I constantly tried to be my best self and on my best behaviour (yes wtf right)even though I knew that wasn’t the real me but I felt like that was what he wanted.

Drinking is a coping mechanism and not the problem, unlike what people may think. But who cares what people think anyway? They know nothing.

you know nothing jon snow

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Milestones?

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September 21st, 2016 Posted 12:52 am

All these engagement, wedding, pregnancy, giving birth posts on my social media feeds getting tons of likes and congratulations. Plus these people are people I used to go to school with i.e. my age!!!

Then there are friends posting about graduating school with a degree or getting their driving license. Or former colleagues leaving their secure jobs to pursue their passions. Cue Instagram photos of exciting adventures in exotic overseas locations.

I feel even more pressured to reach these milestones’ in life too, especially the degree and driving license. But truth is I have zero interest and passion for those things, even though at the same time I think they are necessary because society dictates so.

But do I really need to achieve these ‘milestones’ to be ‘happy’ and ‘successful’ in life?

I do like the things I’m doing right now, but it’s not like I’m writing any groundbreaking, life-changing and Pulitzer-winning articles either, be it work or personal.

I cannot even commit to updating my blog regularly even though I have so many exciting stories to tell and admittedly sometimes I feel like the stuff I publish at work have zero value.

Guess I still have a little time to figure out what it is I really want.

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