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April 29th, 2019 Posted 12:11 am

April 29, 2019 / 12:11AM

Actually started writing this on Day 1 of my trip while stuck at the Kathmandu airport so ya I was feeling sappy even then already hahaha.

Saturday: You took my hand when we crossed the road and you haven’t let go since. Even when I was thousands of miles away in a foreign land, I felt like you were by my side the whole time, my hand in yours.

Monday: You came to me even though I wasn’t expecting you to and waited for me to finish my work, then accompanied me to Chinatown and for the bulk of the day. You told me not to be nervous and said I could do it. And I did. Whether I am in a professional setting or up on the mountains, your faith in me is always unwavering. You believe in me even when I don’t, my biggest cheerleader.

Tuesday: You told me that you weren’t going to your game and were headed north towards me instead. I later said I felt like a kid whose Christmas came early. You told me that I’m your Christmas.

And somehow, you knew that I wanted you with me even though I didn’t say anything. Once again, you saw right through me.

I was walking to meet you and thought your would be there first. You snuck up on me and took my arm and fell in step with me. You found me.

I’ll never forget how I felt when I realised it was you. It was relief, surprise and joy all at once. I felt safe. I always feel safe when I’m with you.

Still Tuesday: My scheduled GrabHitch ride to the airport got cancelled and you said you would drive me instead. I smiled till my cheeks ached and even then, I couldn’t stop. I felt like I was going to explode with happiness. I don’t think anyone has ever been this happy to be cancelled on by Grab before. I didn’t want to ask you for a ride because I knew you couldn’t. But you found a way to make it happen, simply because you wanted to.

Walking with you is my new favourite thing because your pace matches mine, physically and metaphorically. In a world where we always seem too quick for other people to catch up with, somehow we found each other. With you, everything comes so naturally and easily. And I want to keep walking with you forever.

Wednesday: I thought you were still sleeping but you were already here. You always show up for me, that’s what you do. I can always trust you, I know that now.

Even though earlier you said you had to go right after dropping me off, what happened was that you accompanied me all the way, never letting go of my hand until I was past the gates and never letting me out of your sight until I was out of view. You were someone I wanted to come home to.

And now I’m home.

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Live in the moment

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April 9th, 2019 Posted 5:21 pm

April 4, 2019 / 05:21PM

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that I feel happy.”

“You’re thinking that you feel happy because you feel like it’s not going to last.”

“Stop analysing me!”

He’s right but that’s what he does. He sees right through me even when I don’t say anything and he makes me happy. He makes me smile until my cheeks ache, makes me laugh even when I don’t want to, shows up when I don’t expect him to, spends time with me even when he’s busy, waits for me while I go for an important meeting that he says I am going to ace, encourages me and reads my work, and listens to me. He makes me feel safe and loved. He isn’t afraid to show or tell me how he feels.

It’s me who is afraid. I’m afraid that it’s not going to last. Somehow I’m not afraid that he’s going to leave or decide one day that he feels differently. But I’m afraid to lose him anyway. That it will all combust in flames and crumble to dust. Because that’s what happens when sparks fly. It’s what has always happened. Because having something and then losing it is worse than not having it to begin with. Because there is always a catch. Because we all know what they say about things that seem to good to be true.

Which is why I said to live in the moment. And once again he sees through me, telling me I must have been deeply hurt before to say that. I sighed loudly because he is so right and because I don’t want to ruin the present by talking about the past.

But maybe one day I’ll tell him all about it. Maybe.

Posted in Others