I am not emo
May 9, 2015
Pretty sure it’s the black background that’s messing with everyone’s heads ok. Had so many people saying I’m being emo but it’s not like I’m slitting my wrists or flinging myself off a cliff (I only wanna do the curl-up-in-fetal-position thing like Bella).
Update on stuff I listed in the previous post:
1. Hamster is happy in heaven and I already explained how I feel about this
2. Haven’t been to any other wakes
3. Haven’t read any more blogs
4. Haven’t left anything at home recently
5. New heater installed so I have warm water to bathe in again
6. Stomach has recovered
7. Currently on the positive side of the cycle
Pretty sure most people at work don’t read my blog so I assume they are judging by my behavior… I don’t think I’m acting weird (Kumar will say I’m weird 24/7 lol) but I’m never as subtle as I think I am.
And then Jeremy’s friend went to ask him if I’m the emo type… Strange knowing that people I’ve never spoken to bother to read my tiny yet lengthy chunks of text. Maybe I’m getting old but I find the pink font on black background such an eyesore now. What the heck was I thinking?
I am sorry to everyone whom I met only recently and new readers of my blog because it’s apparently my emo self that you got to know first -_- But I really didn’t use to be like this. Look at my earlier entries?! I normally don’t even like people who are negative or complaining all the time. I must be feeling quite lousy to be ranting on my blog.
I’m not emo ok here’s some sunshine and a rainbow and even a unicorn!
I feel “reasonably happy” (lol here we go again) because the past two days have been paradise. A godsend. It’s not about what I did. It’s having that amount of time at all. Something I would never even dare to dream about having.
Kept wondering if I was going to wake up and realise it was all a dream or if I was in some alternative universe. You know what they say about things that sound too good to be true. Why would life be so generous all of a sudden, considering how callous it has been so far?
Surely there is a catch. There is definitely a catch. And sure enough, there was one. As the end of my two days loomed closer, I realised I was going to have to say goodbye again. Just the thought of it hurt so much that I started to cry. I’m hopeless… Being right where I want to be, feeling so happy and still shedding tears I’ll never let anyone see.
I don’t think it gets easier. If anything, it only becomes more painful each time. But I’d repeatedly go through it all over again if it meant there would always be a hello. That’s how wonderful and happy and worth it the hellos are… like the universe has aligned itself and everything’s gonna be okay.